Sunday, December 20, 2009
I kept my food pretty clean and I am really optimistic about what the scale will show tomorrow. My goal is to be down to 163 by Christmas and to stay there through the holiday. I was successful at the grocery store today...had some gluten-free snacks in my grocery cart (supposedly for the plane ride...on Wednesday) and I thought better of it and put them back.
My only thing is how much I have to do between now and when we leave, between Christmas stuff and stuff for work. I'm just hopeful I can get to the gym every day. Yikes. Saying prayers for that, that things will just get canceled here and there, leaving space in my day to get it all done. :)
Hope you guys are all having a great holiday!
Saturday, December 19, 2009
I'm on a roll...really enjoying being back in the zone. As of this writing, I have eaten 100% clean, have worked out hard, and am working on liter #5. That's right. Liter #5. Take THAT, 160s! I was 165 on the nose this morning, and I am hoping to see 164 or less tomorrow. Boo ya!!!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
I'm trying hard to stay in the Monday mentality all weekend long so I can hold on to this amazing loss and be solidly in the low 160s when we ring in 2010. OK - off to play Wow! Wow! Wubbzy with my 5-year old. Weekend fun!
Friday, December 11, 2009
I've been doing really well. Really, really well. I cannot believe how well I've been doing, considering we are in the thick of what my friend Peg calls "The Trifecta" (Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years). My critical period has actually usually started on Halloween, so I consider myself more than halfway through it.
Tony has been really supportive, and I think maybe equally helpful has been my accountability partner, Jacquie. If she had a blog, I'd link to it (calling you out, girl...), but really...it has made a huge difference having someone who's basically at the same point in the journey checking in on a regular basis, calling me out when I'm bullshi**ing myself into having something I know I'm not supposed to be having, cheering me on as the scale moves in the right direction, etc., etc.
Funny thing happened the other day that I wanted to share with you guys. I was with a friend trying on clothes and this one particular suit fit kind of tight, but still looked good. I told her I was okay with it, since I knew I'd be smaller soon (I already am finding my size 10s loose where a couple weeks ago I couldn't even fit them). She just laughed and said, "Yeah, that's what we all say." I didn't say anything, but what I was thinking is, "That maybe what we all say, but it's what I actually do."
What I'm curious about is why do we do that to each other? Why do we second guess the positive affirmations of others? Why do we slap our own fears and insecurities on other people who dare to dream? I don't know...but what I do know is that I am going to continue to dream and dream BIG, and I'm not going to let anyone plant the seed of doubt in my head as to whether or not my dreams will come true.
Because you see...they already are.
What are your dreams? And who are your dreamkillers? Step carefully around them...love them from afar...and keep your dreams safe and in tact. If you believe them, and take steps to achieve them, before too long they'll have come true.
Monday, December 7, 2009
The day my father died, I swore I heard him say:
"Beloved, don't you cry, for I'm not far away.
Just keep your honesty
The truth will set you free
And follow all your dreams of who you long to be
Cause if you believe in yourself
Then you don't need anything, or anybody else
And if you believe in your dreams
Then your dreams will come true
So believe in yourself, as I believe in you."
I had a recording session today, recording yep...you guessed it, "Believe in Yourself." Amazing session - we were done in two takes. Go figure.
It was just a weird and wonderful day. I had a great workout, drank 5 liters of water, and food was clean. Now I'm off to bed nice and early so I can get up just before 6 am and call my friend who moved to Australia.
Work is crazy busy....life is good. I'm just so grateful for everything with which God has blessed me. I continue to have faith and move forward. God takes care of the rest.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
I'm really doing well. Tony wanted me to do extra cardio today, but he didn't tell me until I was already dressed for church. When I told him that, he acquiesced. I sent him a bunch of low-carb, non-dairy options for a protein bar. I really think if he could give me something like that, I could actually get to 100% clean. Ah, you know what? I'm gonna be 100% clean, regardless. If he approves something like that, it will just make it easier.
I am on my way to 159, then 145 beyond then. I have my sights SET on it. As for this week, I would be happy to see 165. That's the goal for December 11. I have my workout printed for tomorrow (legs) and will make sure I get all my water in. OK - back to my book. Gotta try not to watch "War of the Worlds," which is one of my husband's favorite movies. Unfortunately, it is incredibly creepy and would definitely give me nightmares if I paid it too much attention. Yuck.
Good night, everyone.
Thank God for the little things, even when it seems like the little things are all you have.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
OK - so that's what I'm really sad about. On a lighter note, I'm also sad because I can no longer have the sugar-free popsicles or Supreme Protein bars that Tony approved. I really thought I was home free, knowing that I could have those treats. Unfortunately, they are chock full of dairy and so my skin is going berserk. It is not worth it. Just not worth it. So, I've got a message in to Tony to see if I can eat the CLIF Builder bar, instead. SO yummy, and dairy-free! We will see what he says.
The best news is I am still solidly on track. I even managed to squeeze an extra hour of cardio in this morning. How surprised was I to see that tomorrow's workout is 90 minutes of cardio? I hope the weather is nice enough for me to just head out to the trail and run 7-8 miles. I love running so so much.
I guess that's it for now. I have a long day tomorrow - a 90 minute run, followed by a three-hour studio session. My third session in as many days. We are hoping to have three songs done by Monday so my producer can give something to a prospective sponsor (which will hopefully secure us the funding to finish the CD and schedule the tour), and so he has something amazing to bring to LA next week when he goes to meet with various industry people.
Facebook users, enjoy this clip from the November 21 showcase. And if you are in the Philadelphia area, come check us out on December 4!!!
I LOVE MY LIFE!!!
Take care, everyone!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Day 2 of recommitting and feeling back on track. I made a promise that I would stay clean, 100% and I am determined to stick with it. 159, here I come!
I'm exhausted and getting up before 6 am. Good night!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Sorry to say I succumbed and ate and managed to gain EIGHT POUNDS in three days. Bwahahaha....that's a laugh. I ate a lot, but no way did I eat 30,000 extra calories! So, back on track today. Have eaten clean all day today, and finished a tricep/bicep/abs workout, Tony style about an hour ago.
This is the fun part. Even though I hate that I slipped so far backward, it is really fun to watch the scale go down when I get myself back on track. (Boy, I really need to clean out this keyboard.)
The girls and I are going to see the Michael Jackson movie tonight, I think. Then, we might get a Christmas tree. Fun!
Hope everyone enjoyed their holiday!
Friday, November 27, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Pretty good day today. I took the girls to the gym, then the Please Touch Museum, then we went and took photos with Santa. I could post them here, but I'd rather wait until closer to Christmas.
I did bake tonight - brownies and chocolate chip cookies. I had a couple fingers full of icing, but otherwise, exhibited restraint.
OK, I'm going to bed before I start getting hungry. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! It's going to be rainy here, which cancels out my plans to run 5 miles on my favorite trail tomorrow. Ploo.
Why do I have to assume that I'm going to eat that much? I have to believe that there are people out there that eat healthy the whole day, then have a plate of food at Thanksgiving, trying a little of everything, maybe, then have a small dessert, then go to bed. Is it possible that I could be one of those people? And then, here's the REAL question: can I start back on Friday with the plan I have been on all week?
I hope so, I really hope so. Because I am 166.9 pounds this morning WITH my period. That means, if I keep drinking water like mad and keep my food reasonable through the holiday, I could be SOLIDLY under 165 by this time next week. But I also know that I, like so many others, have gained 5-10 pounds over the Thanksgiving holiday in years past. I also know that I, like so many others, have found it very hard to get back on track until well after New Year's when I have allowed my resolve to slip on Thanksgiving day.
So, how about it? Is it possible to treat Thanksgiving day like every other day I've eaten slightly more than usual and the day after Thanksgiving like every Monday after?
I know it's possible. And this year, I'm making my New Year's resolution early. Because I'm not going to let this holiday be about anything other than giving thanks. And one of the things I'm most thankful for is the sanity I've been given as a result of eating healthy most of the time.
How about you? Can you challenge the assumption that the holiday season has to be about gaining 10 pounds only to lose it again come January? What if you started the new year 5 or 10 pounds closer to your goal, rather than further away from it? How would that feel? Let it settle into your bones and become a reality. People are doing it all over the world. You have the choice to be among them.
I know I will.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Then, after just four hours of sleep, I went ahead and kept my commitment of running the half marathon. Every year, I run a 10-mile run in the Spring (the Broad Street Run) and a half-marathon in the Fall. I ran the half marathon in 2:32:39. A couple minutes slower than last year, but not bad, considering I was so sleep-deprived!
My girls are home for Thanksgiving and we have lots of cool stuff planned. We went to see Planet 51 today, which was cute. I checked in with Tony and got permission for microwave popcorn. SO proud of myself for doing the movies the "right" way.
I really feel like I'm on to something. Even Thanksgiving isn't looming off in the distance in a scary way this year. I will bring some healthy side dishes - a big salad, some soup maybe - and some authorized desserts from Whole Foods. And then Friday, up and at 'em.
I love being healthy. I really, really do!
Take care, everyone. Hope you're enjoying your holiday week!
Friday, November 20, 2009
167 this morning. I'm still determined to see the 150s by January 1. Let's GO!
Good workout today, not great. Added a 3 mile run and 1 mile walk, which should also help. I'm getting ready to fill up liter number 4. That ought to do it for today.
Oh, and two days till the half marathon. YEAH baby! Tomorrow's my showcase, and then finishing my last long run of the year. WOO HOO!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Then, I went to the gym (and had a great workout) and so I didn't get to my first meal (MRP w/glutamine) until 1:30 pm!! So, you know what that means. My egg whites and oatmeal were at about FOUR pm. Ugh. Anyway, I did have a few rice thins and hummus while I was making dinner, but then dinner was healthy - turkey meatloaf and green beans (and about 1/4 cup of brown rice). Again, not a perfect day, but a REALLY GOOD DAY. So, tomorrow I'm planning to take the girls to the gym after they get home from school. I have a meeting in Delaware, more than an hour away, at 9 am. For a new project! Yay!
Tony said he wants me to weigh in on Monday, after the race. I have to find out if he'll let me have my regular pre-race meal - cinnamon raisin bagel w/peanut butter. I sure hope so.
Tomorrow should be fun - after my meeting, I'm heading to my aesthetician's house for a facial treatment, and to talk about hair and make up for Saturday! I'm also bringing all my wardrobe options so she can help me decide what I should wear. FUN!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Today was a weird day. I had my two older girls home with the same thing the baby had yesterday. I was tired and cranky and craving salt and sugar all day before I realized I must be premenstrual. So, I didn't work out. And my food wasn't 100% clean. But I didn't use that as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted (I'm having a protein shake for my last meal of the day). I also drank ALL my water - all 4 liters. I'm actually pretty proud of myself.
So, tomorrow is another day and I'm still accountable. I will print out my workout tonight, and I will plan my food for tomorrow. I will get to the 140s. I WILL!
Oh and PS if you ever feel bloated and disgusting, buy some SEXY SHOES. It does wonders! I bought some for Saturday night. Woo hoo!
Monday, November 16, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
All that being said, it was still frustrating when we were shopping at Guess, where the largest size they carry is a size 9 and I just barely was able to fit into it. I don't want to be limited by what's flattering or what fits me. I want to buy clothes because I do or don't like them.
So, hubby and I are recommitting tomorrow. I am dead set on losing 20 pounds and being a solid size 6 by my 40th birthday. I have 6 months to do it.
I will begin again and blog post daily. This definitely helps me to stay accountable. Thanks, Tea, for calling me out. And as Wendy Williams would say, How YOU doin?
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
So, this morning I was supposed to get up and run with a friend and she got called into work at the ungodly hour of 4:30 am (gotta love those European clients...no offense, people). Since I was already up when I got her text at 5:15, I decided to go ahead and head over to the gym, which means I was able to get my Dreambodies workout done by 7:15 am. I did a great job, too - jogging a slow 4.5 mph pace for the first 10 minutes, then pushing my shoulders hard, followed by 10 min of walk/run intervals - 1 min 4 mph, 45 sec 6 mph, 15 sec 8 mph. I love it when I don't cut corners. Then, because I promised myself (and Tony) I would do my extra cardio runs Tue/Thu/Sat/Sun, I went back to the gym and ran 3 miles in 35 minutes.
The nice thing about this was that I had the entire day free to work - I own my own business and I'm submitting a response to a Request for Proposal on Friday. I got a lot done, in fact got the entire technical portion completed. All I have to do is the cost proposal. So, when another friend called me today to see if I might want to run 6 miles tomorrow, I said, sure! I'll do that instead of my Tuesday run. A run in the hand is worth two in the bush....or something like that.
My food has been squeaky clean, too. I made popcorn for my kids tonight and was tempted, but didn't have any. Was trying to get my 3-year old to eat her burger and started to justify taking a bite, and then I knew that if I went there, there would be no end to the cheats. I'm really doing it this time.
And it feels GREAT!!
If you've ever felt like you couldn't do it, if you've ever lost your fire, I'm here to say...KEEP PLUGGING AWAY AT IT! The only way you can fail is if you GIVE UP. Keep following me...watch me ... after all these many months... watch me SUCCEED! I've already succeeded, because I'm here and I'm in this to WIN IT!
Monday, November 9, 2009
Oh! I forgot to do pics and measurements for Tony...oops. But I have eaten 100% clean. (Lunch was nasty - plain chicken breast and broccoli. Won't be doing that again.) I went to the gym after I dropped the girls off at school and wowsee wow! I had a great workout!
So, it's on, yo. I have 25 pounds to lose and I am determined to lose it by my next birthday (May 2010), which is when my most recent renewal with Tony runs out. Somewhere around then.
I found out today that my Dreambodies hubby is scarfing cookies in secret. Meanwhile, he's STILL lost 15 pounds since starting with Tony. Hmph. How is this fair? I gain 5 pounds from eating too large a serving of egg whites. He has a secret stash of Oreos behind the oatmeal and still manages to lose weight.
Oh, well. Life isn't fair, I suppose. And hey, at least I get to be married to him! Tee hee!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
I'm taking a DO-OVER.
I went back to my posts from the beginning of my Dreambodies journey, and I had such a passion, such a willingness to do whatever Tony asked of me. I don't know when I started thinking I could come up with a better plan than he could, but I'm DONE with that. I'm back to not only induction eating and working out, I'm back to posting here every day with how I'm doing.
I e-mailed Tony and told him I was going to send him before pictures, and starting weight and measurements as if this were week 1. As far as I'm concerned, it is. I've signed up for another 6 months with him, and I should definitely be able to get this last 25 pounds off in that amount of time. That's basically a pound a week. No problem.
So, here we go, everyone. This will be hard, this will be interesting, this will be FUN! I'm ready to get my dreambody. You ready to see it happen? If not, get ready! Cause, here we gooooo...!
PS A fresh start calls for a fresh look, wouldn't you agree? :)
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
The showcase went really well. It was so unbelievable to be singing songs that I wrote, and to have people come up to me between sets and say, "Where can I download that song? I could so relate to the lyrics! I want to play that in my car!" At the end of the night, I actually did a call and response, teaching them the song and everyone was singing it!!
(Sorry...my producer asked me to take the video down...check me out on Facebook...I'll be posting some there soon.)
Oh! And despite the fact that I didn't get to bed till way after midnight, I did get up on Sunday and ran my 10 miles as part of my half-marathon training! Maybe that's why I got sick...but whatever...Anyway, I'll be glad to be 100% so I can get back on my half-marathon and Tony training tomorrow!
Have a great day, all!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Back in April, my business was painfully slow and I was looking for ways to fill my time. I saw the status of a friend of mine's husband said, "Looking for female vocalists..." So, I started chatting with him, only to find out he's a producer, actually produced Patti Labelle in her movie last year, "Cover." He and I started talking and working together and somewhere along the way we decided (a) he would be my producer/mentor and (b) he would help me launch my career as a solo artist.
He started pushing me to get back into songwriting, which I hadn't been doing for about 20 years. Like a muscle, it gets weak from lack of use. I did my first showcase with Tony on August 1, and was barely able to eke out one decent original song. The good news is, HE LOVED IT! That gave me the confidence to start writing more songs, and I put together a band - with a drummer and bass player I had worked with before, a keyboard player my producer recommended, and my husband on guitar! I started writing songs in the car, in the bathtub, in my office, while I was taking my daughters to school, any time, any place. What I learned was that the other way in which songwriting is like a muscle is that it can be strengthened!
I have my showcase tomorrow, the one in which I am the featured act. I have FOUR original songs (well, five, if you include our intro song, "Be You.") to perform and I love them all! I don't know how much of that is because they're mine (sort of like the way we all think our own children are the most beautiful kids on the planet). I do have to say, however, that my husband has been listening to them over and over again with headphones, and he really only does that when he really likes a song. So, maybe they really are good?
Anyhoo - after tomorrow's showcase, we'll know for sure because we are bound to get lots of good and constructive feedback. Then, it's into the recording studio to record the CD! I'll let you know when we have samples to preview (and iTunes downloads to purchase!).
I didn't really write much tonight about weight loss and fitness stuff. I guess that's because that's not really what's on my mind. Everything is actually going well in that area. I had a frustrating night, where it felt like one by one, all my closest friends were letting me know in one way or another that they had to bag out and not come tomorrow night. The stress was really making me crazy. I wanted to eat. But I didn't, and I'm proud of that fact. Tomorrow, Hubby and I have to go to a funeral in the morning. I'm very hopeful that I can somehow get a workout in at some point tomorrow. Where there's a will, there's a way.
Stay tuned, everyone. More exciting news coming soon!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
1. Why is my skin worse after a week of detox? No gluten, no dairy, no soy, no chocolate, no sugar of any kind, no caffeine, no citrus, no shellfish, no mushrooms? (Okay - I know...I know...it gets worse before it gets better, the toxins are being released through the skin, etc., etc...)
2. Where in the hell is my Aunt Flow? I'm not even sure I have reason to be worried other than the fact that I've been running about a 24 day cycle and I'm now on day 31. I'm sure it'll be here any day now. No question. I don't feel preggers...
3. Is anyone going to come to my showcase? I am so worried that on Saturday, we'll be all ready to perform these 5 new original tunes (that's right...original tunes...as in I WROTE THEM), and no one will show up. Crickets chirping...tumbleweeds rolling right through the living room of my producer's loft. What would my dream be? My dream would be that not only would we be performing to a PACKED house, but there would be at least five potential sponsors there, all of whom want to know only one thing at the end of the night...how much do we need to get the CD done?
4. Why am I still awake? Nuff said. I'm going to bed. Thanks for letting me air all this stuff here. Talk to you guys soon!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
My skin is slightly worse but thanks to the power of Google, I have reassured myself that this is simply a symptom of the toxins working their way out of my body. Yay! And I still have over a week before my show - I'm sure my skin will be clear and beautiful by next Saturday. I'm envisioning myself under 160 by then, somehow.
I'm still closely in touch with Tony. He has something up his sleeve for me, I can tell. He wants me to weigh in on Saturday and then start some intense kick-butt program, not to weigh in again until Halloween. He is determined to get me down to 130. I cannot imagine getting down that low without cutting off one of my larger limbs, but that's neither here nor there. Tony has done more with less determined people than I. If he says it can be done, it will be done.
Last night, I didn't get home from rehearsal until after midnight. I'm going to bed early. Take care, and stay focused! The only thing keeping you from your dreams is your ability to hold on to them and never let go.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Anyway, I really did have a wonderful weekend. It was great to see all my family and I didn't even stuff my face (although my family made it a point to say how amazing the birthday cake was that we got for my mom...grr...almost broke my abstinence from sugar for that one). I have been sort of sloppy, eating-wise, since I got home, though I think it's partly because I'm hormonal (period due within the week) and partly because I'm getting sick and partly because I'm starting an elimination detox tomorrow that lasts a month and I'm scared sh**less and feel like I'd better get it all in now, I may never have it again. Stupid, I know.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
So....in honor of the fact that I am NOT a huge buffalo, I am going to share with you one of my recent publicity photos. I AM FAR FROM A BUFFALO!
Monday, October 5, 2009
Okay, so it's only 11:46 am on Day 1 of my Restart, but I am feeling much better. A dear friend broke it DOWN for me, that if I was gonna keep playing around with sugar in ANY form, I would keep feeling like I'm swimming upstream. So, I've become willing to eliminate sugar in ALL forms, except for stevia and brown rice syrup. The interesting thing is I'm no longer doing it for my skin, to lose weight, or to please anyone. I'm doing it because sugar, in any form, makes me physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually INSANE. Just for today, I would like to have peace of mind, thank you very much.
It helps, too, that Hubby has decided to start Dreambodies, and he started today. He took his workout clothes with him and is going to the gym right from work, he packed all his food, and he even kicked back his very first ACV concoction. I sure consider myself lucky to actually like the taste in water.
Otherwise, I have my 3-year old home with me today. She seems perfectly fine, but she was running a fever yesterday and I don't like to take chances. She'll be going down for a nap soon, and I SO wish I could go right down with her. I have a client meeting, though, so no luck, unless by some stroke of luck my client should cancel. I've really gotta get refocused at work, too, because I haven't had much to do for work lately, and that has suited me just fine. I do very much like the income, though, so I can't become too much of a lady of leisure!
Anyway, I'm feeling much better today - more optimistic and hopeful. Thanks for all the shouts to let me know I'm not out here alone dreading the upcoming three-month food abyss....Halloween through Christmas... (I don't really feel like it lasts till Easter because in January there's the mad wave of New Year's resolution makers, all the weight loss companies are advertising like crazy and other than Valentine's Day, which is totally a minor holiday, there really isn't anything going on UNTIL Easter, which is four months in. AND, the weather's getting warm by then, anyway, so running season is well underway.)
OK enough for now...more tomorrow!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
I, for one, am still struggling. I have 25 pounds to lose and I want to get on it. I will be damned if I am going to be unprepared as we head into the toughest part of the year - the part of the year when we are SURROUNDED by trigger foods and swaddled in sweaters. I am going to get in a groove, a healthy groove.
I know what you may be thinking. I'm sick of hearing myself say it, too. But I know I can get myself back on track. I know I can go into 2010 lighter than I have ever been. I KNOW IT.
Monday, September 28, 2009
...that I posted a day or two ago. I guess not.
I'm feeling strong again. Will someone please remind me the next time I get all down on myself to see if it's that time of the month and just give myself a break if it is? I actually had a dear friend/sponsor tell me recently that she could not believe the difference in my personality when Aunt Flow is visiting. The way she described it is that under normal circumstances, I am a person who ACTS, whereas when I'm suffering from the hormonal surge that comes with my monthly visit, I am a person who REACTS. And not very well, at that.
Today was a wacky day. I woke up determined to enjoy my daughter's third birthday, but not with food. My two older daughters were home with me, actually. I sent the baby to school because she was having a big pizza party with all her friends and I figured I would just pick her up after her nap. Well my two older girls were being SUCH a pain that by 10 am, we were all screaming at each other. I called Tony in tears, because I could feel the stress getting to me, sending me into a binge, at worst a lazy, non-gym day, at best. Fortunately, I caught myself before any of that happened, and I actually ended up working out WITH my kids (I ran 2 miles at 6 mph) and then got to the gym later after my husband came home. I didn't do perfectly well at dinner, but I didn't have any cake and I offset any damage by going to bed with a cup of tea, nothing more.
I am just so grateful to have the willingness again to post, to visualize, to meditate, to workout, to eat healthy. Just make sure when I start acting like a hormonal beast in mid-October, someone will let me know!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
I don't know what happened or when I lost that fire, but I am hungry for getting back to that place. I need to be hungry for that, not hungry for some stupid refined carbs. So, I'm just coming here to say that I'm still very much in the game and looking forward to seeing the 150s, and SOON.
I'll keep you all posted, of course.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
The same could be said for those of us struggling to make any dream come true, whether it's me, pursuing my dreams of having my own business or having a successful career in music. And of course, the same could be said for the pursuit of good health and our dream body.
I attribute to the success I've had in any endeavor to three things:
- Having a clear vision
- Having a defined plan
- NEVER GIVING UP
I would love to say that the third piece of the puzzle for me has been following the plan, but I need to get honest and say that I am not always able to follow my plan perfectly. I know not many people can relate to falling off the wagon after having some modicum of success (HA), but I can honestly say that what is a consistent thread throughout all the success stories is that we all stay in the game, keep trying, keep plugging along. Me, I have tons of people who support me and when I'm faltering, I reach out to them like my life depends on it. And in some regards, it does. I don't ever want to go back to the way life was before I got in decent shape. I don't ever want to feel the self-loathing, insecurity, lack of confidence, physical discomfort that comes with being overweight.
What do I want? I want the joy, the sass, the bliss that comes with knowing I'm living my life EXACTLY the way I want to, and EXACTLY the way God intended. Having a buff, sexy body will be a sweet bonus. Not the end goal, just a symptom of living a healthy, happy life.
I'm holding on for my miracle. I'm not going anywhere till I get it and when I get it, I'm never letting go.
How about you?
Sunday, September 20, 2009
I'm not sure what happened this weekend, but I can honestly say I'm not proud of it. I was holding on for when my husband starts up with Tony, thinking that I could just sort of ride his coattails. He now has a popped hamstring and is delayed yet another week. I'm trying to be supportive, loving and understanding of how much pain he's in, but there's also a part of me that is like, DAMN...now what? He will have another week of eating whatever and not going to the gym and I have to just suck it up and get back on the horse, with or without him.
First, I cannot afford to go days and days eating like this. Not many people are like me - but I do know this about myself - I can easily gain 10 pounds in one week, if I'm not careful. Second, I have THREE MONTHS to get this last 25 pounds off. I do NOT want to go into 2010 still struggling with this last 25-30 pounds. I want to have different goals, for once. Third, I'm truly sick and tired of hearing MYSELF say that this is it, this is when I refocus for good.
So, God willing, this will be the last time I have to say it. God willing, I will actually be graced this time with the sustainable strength and fortitude to really change my habits once and for all. I want to be a healthy person. I want to eat when I'm hungry and I want to eat food that nourishes my body, not food that I'm hoping will fill some sort of void.
I'll be posting much more regularly, letting you guys know how I'm doing, that I'm hitting the hard workouts, getting in my water, keeping my food squeaky clean. I can't wait to report that I finally broke through that barrier I've been waiting to break through and am in the 150s!
I'll check in soon.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
It all stops here. I didn't watch the Biggest Loser last season, but I'm watching it now. There is NO excuse for me not drinking over a gallon of water a day. There is NO excuse for me not eating clean. There is NO excuse for me not getting my skinny behind in the gym and giving it my all, if these 250, 350, 450 pound girls are in there doing there thing.
Sure, they have the time allotted to do it. But you know what? I have a BLESSED life, and I can FIND the time to do it. The only thing keeping me from getting it done is what's between my ears. So, it starts NOW.
And you know what? I'm updating those goals. I'm making them AGGRESSIVE. I want to be at my final GOAL by the end of this year. It WILL happen. It starts NOW.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
I literally feel like I am expanding by the hour on this trip for some reason. By this trip, I mean this CAR RIDE, not our vacation. My pants are tight, my stomach is back to looking something like it did a couple weeks after I had my kids. I feel GROSS and so disappointed in myself. I really wanted to stay on track during my vacation. And now, that moment I step on the scale to assess the damage is looming in front of me. It's making me anxious, which is making me eat even more. The moment I accept that I have to get back on track is also looming, which has me nervously eating.
There. I think that's everything. Now that I've bitched and moaned, whined and complained, I can go back to being part of my own solution. Tea's blog today was awesome. I am totally going to envision a successful day tomorrow, starting with a killer workout in the gym. My hubby is starting Dreambodies, and I told Tony I want to refocus: new pics, new measurements, new goals. I have lots of support, lots of people cheering me on and LOTS of reasons to get this DONE!
Maybe it's even time for a new blog template! Hmmm...
Stay tuned! Thanks for reading!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
I've worked out twice since I've been here. Not the daily schedule I'd envisioned for myself, but better than nothing. And the days I haven't worked out it's because I've been at the parks all day, walking for literally 5-6 hours. I'm hopeful that this will offset the occasional missteps I've had since I've been here.
My clothes still fit, my skin is still reasonably clear, thank goodness, but I swear, I feel like my nerve endings are completely raw. Yesterday, hubby and I got into an argument about NOTHING that left me in tears. My eldest daughter was still upset at seeing me cry when she woke up this morning. And this morning, I was getting on my OWN nerves with my nasty attitude. I know it's partly from being in close quarters for an entire week, partly from being off my regular routine, partly from the lack of water and additional carbs, and partly from not having been to a meeting in a week and a half. I'm not sure if I will be able to get to one before I get home, either, which STINKS.
One nice thing I realized, though, is that I do have a pretty fantastic, vacation-like lifestyle at home. In fact, the only thing that feels special about being on vacation is the fact that people aren't calling me around the clock. It is making me think maybe I should unplug more at home; then I would feel like I am on vacation ALL the time!
Okay, we're off to Animal Kingdom today, and then DH and I are having a romantic dinner at Epcot in France, sans children.
Just wanted to let you guys know that I'm here and still fighting the good fight. :)
Monday, August 24, 2009
The BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here... how do your reading habits stack up?
Instructions: Copy this onto your blog. Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read. !
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien X
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling X
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee X
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell X
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien X
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger X
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger X
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell X
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald X
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck X
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll X
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame X
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis X
34 Emma-Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis X
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hossein
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne X
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell X
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez X
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving X
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding X
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert X
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley X
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez X
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck X
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov X
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold X
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding X
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker X
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens X
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker X
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White X
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery X
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams X
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare X
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl X
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
I got 34.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Hope everyone is having a great day!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Fact is, I have more incentive than ever to achieve my goals. I had a business meeting with my producer on Friday and we set the date for MY showcase, when I am the featured artist. October 24. We also decided on a holiday concert at a BIG local venue, so that means I have just a couple months to get this body TIGHT. I'm hoping that I will be under 150 by my showcase (that means 15 pounds in 10 weeks...doable, but aggressive, considering how long I've been hovering between 160 and 170). And I'm planning to be closer to 140 by the time we get on that big stage and set off on our tour. Tour!!! Yikes! How exciting is that???
I'm not freaking out. I'm getting fired up. Big difference.
Friday, August 14, 2009
What if I haven't lost any weight at all???
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
First of all, I was really happy with the pics! Muscles are starting to pop out! (And no, I'm not going to post them until I am well into the 150s, so don't even ask...) But the most exciting news is that (a) I have lost 1.5 inches off my abs since the last time I measured and (b) according to the YMCA bodyfat calculation method, my bodyfat is 26%!!! I am SOOOO excited about this!
That alone is progress, no matter what that dastardly scale says. Yee ha!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Well, so let me tell you what's going on with me. I have written two new original songs in the last two weeks, so I'm really happy about that. I will be showcasing them on September 12 at a club here in Philly (if you want more information about that, hit me up on e-mail and I'll let you know where and when!). So, now it's just up to my band to learn the songs and add their own particular flair to it. Fingers crossed, these songs will be HOT!
In other news, I feel like I'm doing pretty well on the fitness front. I've been eating fairly clean and healthy for about a month and a half now, and am still hitting it hard in the gym. I had a really good tri workout yesterday and today was legs. No presses, but I have to admit I enjoy my squats, yo. Tomorrow is chest. I do like a good chest workout. Plus, I have plans to run a couple times this week, so I'm happy to report that I'll be getting in my extra cardio, too.
Wouldn't you think that would translate into a nice drop on the scale on Friday? Yeah, me too. I do have to start taking pics and measurements regularly, too, though - Tony asked me to - because this will give me a more well-rounded picture than just what that stupid scale says. (Oh, sorry, Scale. I didn't mean to call you stupid. Please be nice to me on Friday. Don't be mad, Scale...don't be mean...)
Anyhoo - I'll let you know how that goes. Three days and counting...
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Ok, until this weekend. Friday night DH and I went on our first date night in a long time, and I went ahead and decided to loosen things up a bit. I didn't go crazy - just had an open-faced turkey cheese burger and about a 1/2 serving of waffle fries. Came home and had a mixture of peanut butter, oatmeal, protein powder and cocoa powder. Pretty yummy. But yesterday was another story. Last night I went dancing for 3 hours, which is definitely a good thing, except that I gave in pretty quickly when my friends suggested that the perfect post-dancing activity is going to the diner for chicken fingers and fries. Doh!!!
I would like to know whose metabolism, exactly, I think I have? One of the many size zero twenty-somethings who were in the club last night? Because I have never been able to eat late at night without consequences. So, I am not getting any extra credit for all my lovely dancing, because I basically offset it with the late night munch fest.
Anyway, that's how I'm doing. Still journaling. Too tired to go to the gym today and too tired really to do much of anything except watch my kids play dress up and log my food and read and relax. Let's hope that's exactly what I get to do. (Oh Lord, they're arguing... AGAIN.)
Will hit the gym HARD tomorrow and all week. Hope everyone else is having a great day!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
"Imagine if I called and said, "I want to take you on a trip. You just relax and look out the window - I'll let you know when we get there." You wouldn't be over in the passenger's seat going, "Are we there yet? Where are we now? How soon will we get there? Is this it? Are we there now?" You would just be chatting, sipping on whatever drink, changing the radio to a good song, checking out what you can see out the window... I try to think of it the same way. God is the best friend you've ever had and is taking you on the best trip.
So, why do we always wanna open the door and jump out on the side of the road? Jerk the wheel to the right or the left? Why not just relax and let Him take the wheel?
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
First, I had a showcase on Saturday night and for the first time in my history as a singer/performer (I have sung in wedding bands for over ten years), I was performing one of my own original songs with a full band backing me up. It was so emotional! I sang a song I wrote right after my father died, called "Believe in Yourself" and people kept coming up to me saying how much it inspired them, moved them almost to tears. What was perhaps even more amazing was that the other artists that were being showcased were amazing! I felt so fortunate and blessed (and flattered) to be on the same ticket!!! It gives me so much hope and inspiration to become the best artist I can be. I've started identifying myself as an original artist for the first time in my life. On Sunday, I started the morning by singing the national anthem at the triathlon in which I was participating. The race organizer was thanking me for helping them out and I told them I had done a showcase the day before. They said, "Will we be able to say we knew you when?" And I said, "Hey, who knows? Maybe next year you'll be able to say you have a Grammy award-winning artist singing the national anthem for you!" (And yes, that would be me.)
So, that brings me to Sunday. The other area where I'm realizing my dreams is in that I am becoming an athlete and life coach. I have people coming to me, asking me to help them achieve their goals. That is what I have been focusing on manifesting all year - a career as a life coach, singer, writer, athlete. It may seem like a lot, especially since I also have my own consulting business which takes care of our mortgage and all our other bills, but you know what? God has never given me more than I can handle. Is it my fault I can handle so much?
Stay tuned. This journey I am on will be interesting, if nothing else!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
It was AWESOME! My phone got soaked (and is dead) and hubby's iPod touch got soaked (and is also dead), but it was really worth it. And now? I'm exhausted. Had a semi-yummy breakfast following the race, and am now back on plan with clean eating the rest of the day. Is it 8 pm yet? I cannot wait to go to bed. (Did I mention I also had a showcase last night and didn't get home till after 10 pm? Sigh...sometimes the blessings in my life are so abundant they're spilling slightly over the sides.)
Friday, July 31, 2009
I sent an e-mail Tony asking him for explicit help. And by help, I don't mean, "Follow the plan, you should be eating like your prepping for a comp [as if I know what that means], you have to stop tweaking and adding things here and there..." I want to know what I can add and what I can't add. I want to know what breakfast needs to look like, lunch needs to look like, dinner needs to look like, what workouts need to look like (extra cardio? how often?) so that I will lose at a steady average of 1-2 pounds a week. Period. I'm not asking for much. I'd just like to be 145 by the end of this year.
That being said, I've agreed with my OA sponsor to start weighing myself twice a month on the 1st and 15th. I'm hoping that will give me some sanity as far as seeing the downward trend I'm looking for, because I am sure that now that I'm getting within spitting distance of my goal, I'm likely to see a much slower trend downward.
I don't know. All I do know is I want a life...hell, I have a life, and it's full to the max with things like trying to make sure my business is thriving, pursuing an original music career (first showcase tomorrow night - yikes), completing my first triathlon (Sunday - double yikes!), tending to my daughter who is finally having her feet surgically corrected, not to mention all the regular things that go into being me - sponsoring women in AA and OA, being sponsored in those programs (intensive writing and step work, etc), preparing meals for the household, buying groceries, doing laundry, reading stories, teaching voice and reading to the girls, and on and on and on...
It's interesting because back when I was really screwing around with Tony's program and eating off my kids' plates here and there, there was a certain comfort in thinking that if I would just stop doing that, I would start to lose weight. Now that I'm not doing that and I'm still not losing any weight, I have to admit that it is truly screwing with my head. On a brighter note, my skin is almost entirely clear. I'm happy to be off dairy and happy to stay off dairy if it means that I'll finally have the beautiful, clear skin I've been struggling for so long to achieve.
OK, I guess that's enough rambling for now. It will be interesting to read what kind of comments this post solicits. Please be gentle.
PS Funny thing is, I just went back and looked at my weight from a month ago, and I'm down 6 pounds. So, I guess I'm doing okay, after all. :0)
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
And here's the deal, really: I'm eating SO 100% on target and my workouts have really been off the chain, not even talking about the extra cardio I've been doing in preparation for this weekend's triathlon. It's frustrating because as you guys may recall, I was down to 161.5 right before my daughter got sick, and then I gained THIRTEEN pounds in just three weeks. I've been trying to get back down ever since.
So, am I back on track and just need to be patient? Am I not eating enough and my body is now eating muscle like some experts would suggest? Am I eating too much? Should I refrain from having the occasional apple, berries, sweet potato, soy cheese?
Time will tell, and I will definitely tell you when I know what is going on with my body. Because I am GOING to get under 160, one way or another. THAT I guarantee.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Now I have to admit that right now I'm feeling bloated, disgusting and disheartened. All the more reason to push to the next level by accepting this challenge. As of this morning, I was 166.5. My goal is to get under 150 by the end of the 100 days.
I'm buckling my seatbelt. Ready to ride on toward achieving my dreams and goals!!!
Friday, July 24, 2009
The good news is that for the first time in OVER six months, I got through it without gaining any weight. I kept my abstinence fairly well in place, which means I have hope to break through into the 150s. For REAL this time!
No big plans for this weekend - just hiking, working out and lounging by the pool. Should be a really nice weekend.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
I have been working hard on my business and on my music, so don't be alarmed if I don't post as often as usual. Ah, and poor Tony asked me for pictures a week ago and I still haven't sent them. Secretly, I want to wait till I get back down closer to the 150s. Before Amelia got sick, I was at 161.4. When I hit 161 or 162, I will post pics again.
Hope everyone else is enjoying their week!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
It's a good sore, though, and I have to admit I am really proud of myself. I am an athlete, for REAL! I've still been really tired lately for some reason - I'm assuming Aunt Flow is going to show up on my doorstep any day now. I did muscle my way through Tony's leg workout today, so I'm proud of myself for that. I even did the cardio part of the CRIT and given how tired I have been, that's no small feat.
Tony approved a new snack for me at night - an apple with peanut butter - so I am hopeful that I'm going to really start to see some movement now on the scale. I'm SO ready to be in the 150s, I cannot even begin to explain. I haven't seen 150-something since before I GOT MARRIED! Unreal. And I should see it within the month, if all continues to go well and I keep my mouth away from things it don't belong near.
Anyway, friends. Thanks for being on this journey with me. I cannot wait to post the pictures of the triathlon in just a week and a half!!!
Tomorrow is Amelia's appointment to get her cast changed. We should get an idea of how her legs are responding to the surgery, get the results of her biopsy and hopefully get a date for when she gets the cast OFF! YAY!
Wow - I have suddenly hit the wall. Time for bed, all. Good night!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
I have to believe that my time of the month must be upon me. I have really been careful with my eating. Even went so far as to try to make my own stuffed tilapia, only to find out that the tilapia had gone uncooked for too long and so I just ate the stuffing...yuckie. But I stayed clean. I drank nothing but ACV water - over a gallon today - so that's not the problem. Oh, and did I mention the 16.5 mile bike ride this morning, followed by a 3 mile run that I completed in just under 30 minutes?
Saturday, July 18, 2009
- I have sung live on national network television in front of 10 million people. Seriously. You don't believe me? Do a search on my name and YouTube and see what you get.
- I got sober when I was only 24 years old (and stayed sober).
- I have eaten cow tongue, deer heart and chipmunk (what can I say - my dad would cook anything).
- I learned to read when I was 2.5 years old. My father wrote a reading program and had me on the Today Show, Good Morning America, and in front of several live audiences of more than 100 people reading Alex Haley's Roots when I was just 5 years old to prove its efficacy.
- I ran a marathon when I was 35 and had two children, then 3 and 1.
- I went to 6 different schools between kindergarten and 12th grade.
- I am an obsessive compulsive editor. I cannot read a book, watch a movie, read a blog, or browse a website without editing. When I was just 9 or 10, my dad offered me 25 cents a mistake to edit his reading program, and when I got to $25, he had to rescind the offer. My husband and I used to entertain ourselves when we were dating by trying to find as many errors as we could on the placemats at the local diners.
OK, there you go. Here now - I tag:
Like Melissa said, if you've already been tagged, my sincere apologies! It's hard to find 7 people who haven't!!!
Friday, July 17, 2009
So, today I got honest. I told him exactly what I had been doing that was standing in the way of my dreams. And I have to tell you that something Tina said to me last night in a chat really helped put me over the edge with coming clean about all this. She said something like, "If you could see the person you are going to become, you would be willing to do anything to get there as soon as possible." Wow.
And today when I was talking to SaraBeth, she reminded me that I don't need to think that my food plan is going to be this strict forever. There is going to come a time when I get introduced to a whole new food plan the likes of which I have never seen before...it's called a MAINTENANCE plan. And I'm less than 20 pounds away from it, people.
So, buckle your seatbelts. Tony wants me to start sending him my menu for each day (I already send this to my OA sponsor, so that's really no big deal) and he wants me to start taking daily pics. Not for anyone else but me. So, this ride is about to get really interesting! Sit back and enjoy the ride!!!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Speaking of adversity, Tony asked for progress pics today. Sorry, folks, but I will not be posting these pics for you. I have decided that I will post progress pics online when I am down below 160. Then, and only then, will I unveil my progress for all to see (and comment on).
In the meantime, I am still working on making progress toward my other secret Dreambodies goal. I'm not yet ready to share it with you guys. Soon, my friends. Soon and very soon. Trust me when I say it is keeping me focused and on point.
Last but not least, can we talk for a second about the FATIGUE that goes along with serious exercise? I wake up all perky and happy, then I go hit the gym to do my DB workout and I feel like I've been hit over the head with a 2 x 4. Or, maybe more like I just got a Demerol shot. Either way, it ain't fun and it makes me feel like such a pansy. Like, I can't even go to the gym without being completely knocked on my behind with deep fatigue. I actually worried I was pregnant, people, before I read Tea's post about being so tired she has to take a nap every day now that she's working it hard again.
Anyway, I'm glad I'm not alone in this, but man - if anyone has any advice on how to combat this I'd really appreciate it!!
Lots of love,
Friday, July 10, 2009
So, today I'm home with my five-year old. How I wish she would lay down with me and sleep for a couple hours. Maybe after we do some reading lessons she'll have lunch and lay down with me. If not, she'll have to just watch me lay down.
I did, however, make it to the gym, despite the fact that I feel like an extra from Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video...total zombie. I hit it pretty hard with the shoulders, but I have to admit that I couldn't do much more than walk for my cardio. Better than nothing, I suppose. I will make sure my food is squeaky clean and I get at least 4 liters of water in. Best I can do.
Hope you guys are having a super clean, super fun day.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
After my daughter had her surgery (yes, the same daughter who has hospitalized with Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever), I found myself slipping and sliding around with my eating...again. I talked to SaraBeth and Tony and they helped me to see that my negative thinking was leading me to fail again and again.
They encouraged me to create a photo - my dreambody - with my head on top and to print it out and put it everywhere. Seemed silly, but silly was definitely better than self-destructive, which was the best word I could think of to describe what I had been doing on and off for the past six months or so. So, I printed out my dreambody pictures and put them everywhere, I wrote down my goals and have started re-reading (and re-writing them) daily, at least once a day. I've also started beginning my day with positive intentions.
In addition, I've added a new support to my life, an OA sponsor, with whom I chat for about 15 minutes every morning. She has helped me to see that a lot more food falls in the category of refined sugar than I realized, which has helped me to keep from taking that first bite of crap off my kids' plates.
This may seem like a lot of work to some of you. Why should I have to be so vigilant? Why should I have to do so much each day to achieve my goals? Well, I don't have to. But I know that doing these things will get me to my goals, so why wouldn't I do them? Lord knows, I spend more time than that in my stinkin' thinkin' when I'm not doing these things and eating whatever nasty junk food pops into my head. So, yeah, if doing these things takes some time (and it's really not much time - maybe an extra half an hour or so during the course of the day), I'm willing to put the time in to increase my chances of reaching my dreams.
How about you? What are you willing to do? Are you willing to spend a few extra minutes a day? Are you willing to do a couple things that may seem silly, if there's a chance they may work? I can tell you that when my sister-in-law came to town last weekend and saw the "silly" photos posted up all around, she thought they were just photos of me! How powerful to have her thinking that this amazing body I had taped under my head actually is my body!
And are your thoughts serving you? Are you telling yourself that you're willing to do this, but not that? That you can't possibly give up this food? That yeah, you're a compulsive overeater, but isn't everyone? No, everyone isn't. And if the way we eat is something like 80% of what determines our success in achieving our dreambody, what can it hurt to get a handle on learning how to eat without eating compulsively. My new favorite thought is this:
"There is no such thing as a slip or a cheat, only a decision to self-destruct."
I'm not living on grilled chicken breast and lettuce leaves. I made a decision at the beginning of this whole process that I would only swallow food that tastes delicious. If it tastes nasty, I just do not eat it. I spit it out and start over, preparing something else until I've made something that I like to eat. Don't worry, I don't end up wasting a lot of food. I know what I like, so mostly I just stick with that. I will have weekends where I loosen up the reins a bit - maybe eat carbs with dinner or opt to go out to a restaurant and have a dinner roll with butter or something decadent like that. But I'm learning what foods wake up my inner monster and make it really hard for me to get back in the Zone. So, just for today, I'm steering as far clear of them as I possibly can, and I'm going to continue to do as many things as I can to ensure my success. Hell, if I could do things all day long that would support my achieving all my dreams, I would.
Oh, wait a second. That's exactly what I do try to do! Hope you do, too.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Today was great. GREAT! I didn't get to the gym (boo...hiss...) because I had to take my daughter back to CHOP to see if we had to get her cast changed since it got wet on Friday night (I know, I know...it never ends). Fortunately, we didn't have to get it changed, but we did end up in the ER at CHOP all morning. But I ate CLEAN!!!! All day long, and that includes a stint in the ER and a barbecue at my next door neighbor's house! I wasn't entirely low carb, but I chose good, healthy options, and I ended with fruit. I am SO proud of myself.
So, tomorrow, everyone else is getting back on track, which makes it easier. And then it's Monday. For me, weekdays are always easier because I don't have my little ones in my face all day eating whatever they want, and I have more structure of the workday to keep me busy and keep my mind off food. Oh, and tomorrow I'm running 6 miles with my sister-in-law, who's in town, and then heading over to the gym.
Hope everyone else is having a wonderful Independence Day. How are you celebrating YOUR freedom?
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Since then, I went on vacation to Martha's Vineyard and then took my same daughter into the same hospital to have surgery to have her heel cords lengthened. (For some reason, she has always walked on her toes, and as a result her muscles haven't fully developed and she is no longer able to walk flat on her feet. This is causing problems for her regarding posture, regular mobility and is apparently setting her up to develop degenerative arthritis.) She is now in a wheelchair.
As I mentioned, I have a propensity for eating under stress. If I didn't, I probably wouldn't have ever started this blog and started on the whole Dreambodies program. But I do, and I did. So, last night when my youngest daughter (she's 2) started barking like a seal and struggling to breathe, I knew we were in for a long night. Turns out she has croup, which we found out after I took her to the ER at 2:30 this morning. We were there until 6.
I don't do well when my kids are sick even when I've had a full night's sleep. I definitely was at risk all day today for bingeing and throwing my food plan to the wind. But I didn't. I don't know, maybe something's changed, finally. Maybe I've crossed over and am finally embracing the change and the healthy lifestyle. I do know that I had some moments of compulsive eating today, but I reached for cantaloupe, homemade protein bar, not cheddar goldfish or the peanut butter jar. For that I am grateful.
It's July 4th weekend. I thought it wasn't a holiday to worry about, but the truth is that if it falls on a weekend, I need to get my guard up. I emailed Tony and SaraBeth to tell them I was starting to worry about it, and got a call from T and an e-mail from SB. I plan to talk to her tomorrow. I will not go gently into this dark night, people.
I am taking the advice, visualizing my success and I will not stop until I get there. Every 24 hours offers an opportunity to get one step closer to my goals. And sometimes that means not doing things rather than doing things. Like not letting stress and life's challenges push me toward a binge. I made it through today and now I can rest my head on the pillow and know that since my body's free from junk, my head can be free from guilt.
Good night, all.