Friday, July 31, 2009

Friday night ramblings...

I'm so confused, my head is a mess and all over the place. Amazing thing is that through it all, I'm still eating on plan and working out hard. But my weight loss is still stalled, which has me frustrated beyond words.

I sent an e-mail Tony asking him for explicit help. And by help, I don't mean, "Follow the plan, you should be eating like your prepping for a comp [as if I know what that means], you have to stop tweaking and adding things here and there..." I want to know what I can add and what I can't add. I want to know what breakfast needs to look like, lunch needs to look like, dinner needs to look like, what workouts need to look like (extra cardio? how often?) so that I will lose at a steady average of 1-2 pounds a week. Period. I'm not asking for much. I'd just like to be 145 by the end of this year.

That being said, I've agreed with my OA sponsor to start weighing myself twice a month on the 1st and 15th. I'm hoping that will give me some sanity as far as seeing the downward trend I'm looking for, because I am sure that now that I'm getting within spitting distance of my goal, I'm likely to see a much slower trend downward.

I don't know. All I do know is I want a life...hell, I have a life, and it's full to the max with things like trying to make sure my business is thriving, pursuing an original music career (first showcase tomorrow night - yikes), completing my first triathlon (Sunday - double yikes!), tending to my daughter who is finally having her feet surgically corrected, not to mention all the regular things that go into being me - sponsoring women in AA and OA, being sponsored in those programs (intensive writing and step work, etc), preparing meals for the household, buying groceries, doing laundry, reading stories, teaching voice and reading to the girls, and on and on and on...

It's interesting because back when I was really screwing around with Tony's program and eating off my kids' plates here and there, there was a certain comfort in thinking that if I would just stop doing that, I would start to lose weight. Now that I'm not doing that and I'm still not losing any weight, I have to admit that it is truly screwing with my head. On a brighter note, my skin is almost entirely clear. I'm happy to be off dairy and happy to stay off dairy if it means that I'll finally have the beautiful, clear skin I've been struggling for so long to achieve.

OK, I guess that's enough rambling for now. It will be interesting to read what kind of comments this post solicits. Please be gentle.

PS Funny thing is, I just went back and looked at my weight from a month ago, and I'm down 6 pounds. So, I guess I'm doing okay, after all. :0)


KatieP said...

6 pounds in a month is amazing progress. Don't worry about the scales - you can't control them - they WILL catch up.

Focus on the things you can control - your thoughts, food and training. And you are making huge progress.

Keep going - you are already seeing positive changes.

Tina said...

Insanity :) LOL...I've been there and looking back there wasn't anything to be so anxious about...see :) It's happening, just stay the course!!!!!

Miss Rachel said...

Your daughter is so cute. I love the way she has "girly-colored" pink and purple casts. Hope she's doing well.

6 pounds is a lot - woot!