Thursday, July 2, 2009

One small step...

So, as most of you know who have been following the blog or are just my friends, for whatever reason the Universe has decided to pile all kinds of medical drama on my little family over the past few months. When cold and flu season was happily melting away with the last patches of snow in early May, my 5 year old was being admitted to Children's Hospital with Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever (which provided to some the answer to the age old question, "who gets that, anyway?") I came here and posted about how in just three weeks, I managed to gain back 13 of the 35 pounds I had struggled so hard to lose.

Since then, I went on vacation to Martha's Vineyard and then took my same daughter into the same hospital to have surgery to have her heel cords lengthened. (For some reason, she has always walked on her toes, and as a result her muscles haven't fully developed and she is no longer able to walk flat on her feet. This is causing problems for her regarding posture, regular mobility and is apparently setting her up to develop degenerative arthritis.) She is now in a wheelchair.

As I mentioned, I have a propensity for eating under stress. If I didn't, I probably wouldn't have ever started this blog and started on the whole Dreambodies program. But I do, and I did. So, last night when my youngest daughter (she's 2) started barking like a seal and struggling to breathe, I knew we were in for a long night. Turns out she has croup, which we found out after I took her to the ER at 2:30 this morning. We were there until 6.

I don't do well when my kids are sick even when I've had a full night's sleep. I definitely was at risk all day today for bingeing and throwing my food plan to the wind. But I didn't. I don't know, maybe something's changed, finally. Maybe I've crossed over and am finally embracing the change and the healthy lifestyle. I do know that I had some moments of compulsive eating today, but I reached for cantaloupe, homemade protein bar, not cheddar goldfish or the peanut butter jar. For that I am grateful.

It's July 4th weekend. I thought it wasn't a holiday to worry about, but the truth is that if it falls on a weekend, I need to get my guard up. I emailed Tony and SaraBeth to tell them I was starting to worry about it, and got a call from T and an e-mail from SB. I plan to talk to her tomorrow. I will not go gently into this dark night, people.

I am taking the advice, visualizing my success and I will not stop until I get there. Every 24 hours offers an opportunity to get one step closer to my goals. And sometimes that means not doing things rather than doing things. Like not letting stress and life's challenges push me toward a binge. I made it through today and now I can rest my head on the pillow and know that since my body's free from junk, my head can be free from guilt.

Good night, all.


Tina said...

I'm sorry about your daughter and all of the stress Liimu. I can understand where you are coming from...I also have used food for comfort, and when times are's easy to say it's too hard to plan and to make good choices. But really this is a time that you need to be the can't be anything to anyone else that needs you if you are not taking care of yourself. Kuddos for making good choices and reaching out...every step you take in the right direction counts...I say brag everytime you do something that takes you closer to where you want to be :) {{{HUGS}}}

Carolyn said...

I'm so proud of you Liimu!!! You are a strong person. And these challenges that you're facing is only going to make you that much stronger. Come on girl, you and I are neck and neck. We WILL do this!! :)

*Big Hugs*