Monday, June 29, 2009

Broken records are really annoying ...

Wow. I haven't posted in awhile. Big surprise - I've been hiding in food and using that to cope with the stress of life. I'm embarrassed to have to come back here and say, "I've done it again."

Currently, I'm reading a book called, "Lush," which is about a thirteen-year old girl who is struggling to grow up in the face of her father's alcoholism. She keeps hearing him make the same broken promises over and over again, and today it hit me: So do I. I keep promising that little girl inside of me (not to mention all my friends, family, Tony, etc., etc) ok, this time, this time I'm gonna do it. And then, something happens - my daughter gets sick, I get sick, Michael Jackson dies (it really was quite tragic for me...I was one of the biggest fans of all time when I was 13), it rains, the wind blows, whatev - and I'm back in the food.

Well, I'm not gonna tell you that this time is gonna be different. I'm not gonna tell you that, because I'm sick of hearing it. I'm sick of hearing myself say it and even more sick of how I feel when I don't follow through with it. So, I'm not gonna say it.

I'm just gonna do it.


Tearose said...

ah Liimu your not alone lol, at some point we have to say ok, if I do it this time I am breaking a promise to myself, and that is damaging. It actually lowers our self esteem and makes us feel powerless. Sometimes it really takes some thinking time, in depth thinking examining what we really want, and what were willing to do to get it. And then... when faced with the tough times we have to have some way to REMEMBER the promise we made to ourselves and a plan of action. At least I do.. I often forget my promises or decisions, so I have to read my goals daily, when I stop doing that I forget... forget why I wanted it, why it was important... I hope I'm not the only one that does this lol, or I will be embarrassed :P
I do know what you mean, I get sick of hearing myself think let alone talk about what I am going to do when I am even further away then I was 4 months ago.

I took some time alone with a pad and paper to really think and map out what I wanted, and why, and think about what I am REALLY willing to do to get there? Sometimes we may not be willing to go quite as hard as what it will take... we need to be honest with what we CAN do and do that.

Tina said...

ABsolutely no beating yourself up! You fell on your face what...get right back up...each and everytime...catch yourself and get right back up!!!!

I am thinking about a conversation Mel and I were having and I wonder if you do better and her and I do with the ... NO YOU CAN'T...I don't know but when someone tells me I can't do something....freaking fires me up to prove them wrong...

So if need be I'll come here everyday and tell you you can't if that would work better :)

Thing is...yes you deserve to have all that you want and more. I think the vision board is huge for you...because I do think you are having a hard time seeing it...where you could be...grab that key, hold on tight, turn it, keep turning it, until the door opens and you are on the other side.

Angela said...

We have all been there girl! I have even posted saying how i hate myself for doing the same thing....but we keep on getting back on track...its all we can do, right?

Stay strong! You can do this!!

Sarabeth Laguerre said...

FAILURE is not falling down.
Failure is STAYING DOWN!

You did not fail! You keep getting back up and that determination will help you achieve your goals. No doubt about it! Tearose got it right with reading through her goals on a daily basis. It’s an exercise that will bring about success for all of us, no matter what your goal is.

PLEASE don’t beat yourself up. It will only begin that vicious cycle we all experience. Self denigration > sadness/depression > breaking away from your health and fitness routine >using food to comfort us > gaining weight > self denigration. And around and around we go.

Nip it in the bud and stop the cycle before it even starts. No more looking behind. Set your sites on those goals and retain tunnel vision.

Shake it off and give it all you got. You can do it girl! You are already on your way.