Saturday, June 20, 2009

Am I crazy or sane??

I tell you what - in any given day, my opinion on that subject fluctuates at least a dozen times back and forth...crazy...sane...crazy...sane...crazy...sane....AAAUGH!

I had such a lovely day today, even though my hubby had yet another gig so it was me and the girls, chillin' yet again. The day started with an AA meeting, followed by a lovely 3.5 mile rainy walk/run with my Moms in Motion team. (I added a 1/2 mile because I had to run 1/4 mile to and from my car thanks to the Summer Stroll that had the parking situation completely out of control.)

By the time I got home and got a yummy clean breakfast made and eaten, it was clear I wasn't going to get to the gym in time for the babysitting, which ends at 12. Instead, we all went to the library (I had SIX books on hold) and then to Target, where I hoped to find a craft for my kids to do as a nice gift for my hubby (even though I did find some cute $10 gifts from them - a digital coin jar, a Phillies shirt, etc.). No luck, so we all went home and I had pita chips and black bean hummus (umm...not Tony sanctioned yums) followed by a nice 1.5 hr nap with my 2 year old. We got up then, and went to five below (where we did find the crafts - bird feeders and bug catchers) and then to see "Imagine That," with Eddie Murphy (LOVED it).

I didn't do so great at the movies. Nibbled a couple of my daughter's pretzel bites, a few bites of my other daughter's pizza, and the soy crisps I had brought with me. Wasn't hungry when I came home, so that was pretty much dinner (!). Then, had dessert - won't even talk about what THAT was.

I just don't understand why I keep opting for bites and nibbles again of CRAP when I feel so much better when I'm opting to keep my food clean all day long. Tomorrow, I have plans to go over to Valley Green for a 10-mile bike ride, followed by a 4-mile run with a dear friend. My hope is that this friend can give me information about a good OA meeting I can attend regularly and a possible sponsor in that program. I really need to work on this. If I could just get a handle on the food, I think I could really conquer this last 20 pounds.

THAT ALL BEING SAID, I have had moments throughout the day where I have really stopped to appreciate where I am. I'm in size 10 jeans (mostly - some 12s), and at last weigh in was under 170 lbs. Last year this time, I was 196 pounds and squeezing into 14s. I'm really happy with where I am - and if you asked me last year if I'd be happy to be in size 10 and 12 jeans, I would have teared up and said, HELL YEAH. So, I don't want to be complacent about it, but I do want to stay sane about it. I'm really happy with the progress I have made, and I want to take it across the finish line to a maintenance size I'll be really proud of. I do have a call into Tony to get something on the calendar to get me motivated to take it to that next level. I know that's what I need.

Okay, I've gone on long enough. Just wanted to check in with you guys and let you know where I am. I'm off to attend another online OA meeting. More tomorrow!!


CathyC said...

Hi Liimu,
I know exactly where you are coming from, I too feel this way. I too nibble on my kids treats and then think why can't I stop that? Well it's not easy, we are compulsive by nature and knowing that we "eat more than we should" makes us uneasy and then we rebel with ourselves and binge. So I accept the fact that I like to taste everything-so what? I am allowed to try it, the more we try to "black list" foods we are affecting the trust issue we need with ourselves. I can't diet I can have less of everything and the weight does come off. Sorry for the book I just want to let you know you are not crazy, just crazy about finding balance and peace with your're closer than you think.

Melissa H said...

Glad that you're keeping it in perspective and focusing on progress, not perfection. Why do you eat the nibbles instead of the healthy stuff? Is your menu boring? I mean, yeah: it can be "chicken breast and broccoli" on your food list. But, are you being creative with it? That is usually part of my problem when I'm leaning towards the nibbles. I need variety and flava!! For me, mexican flavor always makes me a happy girl. (and it can still be clean as can be).

The other part is something that I posted about today: Nibble food = easy to grab stuff. Are your meals already prepped and portioned out in easy to grab containers?

I still think that you're doing fantastic and am hoping that you keep focusing on how far you've come instead of the numbers. xoxo