I'll tell you what my problem is. I'm a compulsive overeater. It's an eating disorder that is likened to alcoholism and is characterized by an obsessive/compulsive relationship with food. I have suffered from this since I was about 9 years old, although I have controlled the major symptoms (with varying degrees of success) with dieting and exercise. My obsessive thoughts about food have continued.
I have been attending online OA meetings since last August and the truth is that when I am in a state of surrendering to the fact that I have this issue and am following a plan that I have committed to a sponsor (often Tony's plan) and relying on my Higher Power for guidance and direction, I am fine. Not only does the weight start to come off, but I like what I see in the mirror and I generally feel positive and happy about life and optimistic about my future. As soon as I take my will back with food, I'm sunk. I start to feel desperate and uneasy, fearful and FAT.
A couple days ago, I was in Whole Foods getting a salad and I stopped by one of the tables that was offering taste tests of a new hummus. I wanted to bring hummus with us to Martha's Vineyard next week and I justified that one little bite wouldn't hurt. Well, it DID hurt, because it screwed up my abstinence. For most people a bite or two of hummus on a pita chip is no big deal, but for a compulsive overeater, to start thinking we can spontaneously decide what should go in our mouths is just like the alcoholic thinking what harm can a glass of champagne at a wedding do?
So, I wanted to expose this to all of my blog reader friends out there in the hopes that this nasty disease can't thrive in direct sunlight. I fully expect that this will help me get to the next phase of this Dreambody Journey, which is to love myself fully and unconditionally, from the inside out.