Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I WANT TO BE PERFECT.

But I'm not.

I am so overwhelmed with work right now, and I go into every day with these big, grandiose plans for how much I'm going to get done and how productive I am going to be and then I get to work, work for hours and feel like I've gotten nothing done. (For those of you who think I'm goofing off right now, I'm on my lunch break, thankyouverymuch.)

I was on the treadmill this morning, determined to get in an extra 20-30 minutes of cardio, a la Tony, but 10 minutes into it I started getting so freaked out about all the work that was waiting for me, I hopped off. Ugh ugh ugh. So, now, here we are with only 2 hours left before I have to get Devon from school and I feel like I am exactly where I was when I started this morning! I know that's not possible, but still.

Meanwhile, I had someone who was supposed to start for me as a personal assistant (she was actually supposed to start last Thursday, but called out on her FIRST DAY). She didn't show up. Why am I held to such a work ethic, why am I so hard on myself, when others go la la la through their lives blowing off what they don't want to do whenever they want?

Anyway, food is clean. I had the weirdest lunch - thin chicken breast sandwich (the thin chicken breast was the "bread", with lf soy cheese between two pieces, and a thin layer of lite mayo. Cauliflower with ff cheese on the side. I was happy to see that my weight was down to 186.7 today. Maybe it's finally moving after all?

2 comments:

Evelyne said...

I started making lists like I used to do when I was a kid. It helps me to actually SEE that I accomplished something. I would feel like that, especially on the weekends when I had to play catch up on personal stuff. Now, as I mark it off the list (even if it's something simple and small) makes me feel ALOT better about myself!

HUGS to get you through!

Oh and YAY!!!!! on the weight loss! SEE, it's gonna go down...I promise!

rockstarmom said...

Liimu,
As a fellow wanna-be perfectionist (because I expect perfect in everyone and everything that surrounds me but can't do it to myself) - I get it. It is so hard working and trying to balance all of it..the best you can do is to do each day at a time, half a day at a time, etc. For me right now, getting through 2 hours at a time is about all I can look forward..baby steps :) And YOU WILL get there...you are working so hard, you have no choice!