Saturday, March 21, 2009

Calling all Divas...calling all Divas...I need help!!

Shit. I'm not sure what is going on, but my head is completely messing with me. I'm so struggling, people. I have to be honest. I know it's hormones, partly. And I know it's also mental. I have been struggling to just keep the food clean, and I've been praying, doing mindful meditation, e-mailing/texting/calling Tony. Here's the problem:

I am in that frame of mind where I just want to be able to eat what I want. I want to be "normal."

But I'm not normal. And just like you can't make me able to handle the occasional glass of wine, you can't make me into one of those people who only eats a couple bites of cheesecake and then puts the rest back in the fridge only to remember it three weeks later and toss it because it's gotten to that questionable point. I'm the type of person who, if by some miraculous stroke of luck put that piece of cheesecake back after only eating a few bites and then came across it again three weeks later would definitely eat it, even if I had just eaten a huge dinner and had to scrape off a little green fuzz that had sprouted on the dollups of whipped cream on either side.

That doesn't change the facts, people. I'm bored with what I'm eating. I feel like I"m nearly killing myself at the gym and I'm still 20-30 pounds away from having anybody's killer Dreambody. Yes, I know I've made great strides, but just for today, this feels hard. Really, really hard. And I'm scared to say that I'm questioning whether I want to do it anymore. I would love to work out 4 times a week, rather than 6. I would love to work out for 45 minutes to an hour each time, rather than 90 minutes. Because I feel like if I'm working this hard, it should be instantaneous. If it's gonna take 6 months, then why don't I just do Weight Watchers or the old traditional Body for Life?

Anyway, I'm saying all this not because I have any intention of dropping Tony and Dreambodies. I know he's the best thing that's happened to this wanna-be-MILF since my husband and kids. I could use some encouragement, though. Some words of wisdom, some fire-stoking, if-you-hang-in-there, this-is-going-to-happen-to-you-because-this-is-what-happened-to-me - ness.




Tina said...

Okay first of all Tony will tell you don't let your emotions dictate your decisions...or something like that :) I need to blog about this...but I'm so can find out why on my blog...but I have really good thoughts on this so don't quit yet...go through the motions for me the next couple your feelings everyday but don't make decisions from them...and I know there are other thoughts out there...those will help too...but I've seen it happen so many times girls get this close and they quit...I hope I get a chance to post before you make a decision either way. I'll try and blog it tomorrow if I could just sleep I could think...

Hang in there you have come so far...what inspired you to begin with...what do you want...really that...

Don't give up yet!!!

Tearose said...

ahh I so know how this feels lol. Thats kind of what I have been going through the past couple of days. I just want to be able to relax and eat what I feel like. ok fast forward to today, I kind of did that, I mean it wasn't my first choice in food but it was what was available and let me tell you I am miserable. I actually am in a situation where I do not have the money to be on plan at the moment.
Just keep going, get up and do what you have to do that day and don't think about it too much, do that enough days in a row and you will suddenly wake up THERE.
I hope this makes sense. My thinking is all hazy I may come back to this later and see if hat I wrote made sense lol.

April said...

You sound like me a few weeks ago. My MIL is doing WW and losing weight..eating fruits..nuts..low fat ice cream etc...Why can't I eat normal and be like that? Why if I eat 2 extra almonds is the scale up the next day?

I don't have any miracle cure but I do know the scale is dropping now. Now i'm GLAD I didn't give in. Now i'm seeing the benefits of my strict eating. Once it's starts happening I realize it. You may just be at a standstill but KNOW that things WILL start moving again. Let Tony know that you need something else to keep you going. That's what he's there for!

Health Girl said...

EXCELLENT point Tina!
The biggest hurdle I face (and it seems you are on the same level with this) is: feelings dictating action (or inaction). NO! "I don't feel like eating chicken and broccoli again." I don't feel like working out for 90 minutes." "I feel like eating something comforting that tastes yummy." See a pattern? I'm not trying to be mean. Trust me I KNOW its hard. The way I see it, I ate what I felt like and did or didn't do what I felt like for so long and really- where has it gotten me? It got me to fat and lazy with bad habits. Old habits die hard. Its not that you have to hate your workouts or food. You don't have to LOVE them either. Try just being observant of your meals. How many bites are you taking? How does the food feel in your mouth? The tastes? Set the fork down (or cup when its a shake) in between bites or drinks. Don't judge the taste or texture, just observe. Its hard to do, but it might make things more interesting for awhile. Sometimes I feel like I have to pay my dues. A hurricane only takes a few hours and maybe a a few days to cause complete devastation. It takes weeks, months and sometimes years to repair and rebuild in the aftermath. So... all the damage I've done to my body over the years will take longer to repair. And DAMN is that a hard pill to swallow. I want my beach ready, model body now, too.
On another note-
Hormones are a B*t%h and only make the struggle more difficult. If I may suggest something that has been working for me- Magnesium supps. Mine is Source Naturals- Ultra Mag. Its helped a bit. This month has been less insane than the previous months. I've done some research and they are finding the magnesium levels dip quite a bit in some women and its possible that the low mag levels cause the severe PMS symptoms. Its triggered by hormones of course. See what you think or what Tony thinks.

Just remember- you are a tenacious! You CAN do this. Don't give up. You aren't like anyone else but yourself. You are unique. You have to do what you have to do to get that dream body.

One last thought- does T know how much extra you are putting in? Perhaps your body is rejecting all the extra strain? Too much exercise can be prohibitive, too. Cortisol levels can get jacked. If T knows then trust him, but if not you should tell him so he can adjust things.


Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

I'll just tell u what Tony told me while prepping for this last show and I quote..."I do know one thing Stace no matter if u quit or not the answer is not found in a bag of m&m's. Your not going to feel any better, just worse."

In the end ur going to do what u want to do anyway and nothing any of us say can really help cause YOU have to want it. Us or Tony wanting it for you is just not enuf.