Tuesday, October 28, 2008

What am I DOING??

This Program of Tony's has been working like a DREAM and so why have I started screwing with it? Is it self-sabotage? Fear of success? I don't know, but I'm SICK of it.

Today was another difficult day. Another day when I had to tie up my work loose ends by about noon so I could pretend that I'm a SAHM and have time to ferry my children around from dr's appointment to dentist appointment and back again. For the second time this month, I took my eldest out of school to get her cavities filled only to find out (again) that it cannot be done. Now, we have to go to another pediatric dentist tomorrow at 8:30 am to try again. Meanwhile, my deliverable deadlines are crushing down on me like the walls closing in on Indiana Jones just before he rolls under and out of harm's way, legendary fedora in hand.

Tonight, Devon and I got home to find the power out...again. When I called PECO to find out how long we would be in the dark, I was shocked to discover the estimated turn-on time was not until TEN pm. I guess we're going out to dinner, I said to her. And so we did. And while at dinner, I took a bite of a multigrain roll, a couple french fries, a couple bites of my baby daughter's pizza, a couple bites of my middle daughter's grilled cheese (on WHITE bread). A pineapple chunk here and there. Finally, a bite of my eldest daughter's cheeseburger put me over the top. It was so nasty, I didn't even swallow it. Just spit it back into a napkin. Thought to myself, what the hell am I DOING?

So, I commit to all of you that although I haven't gone crazy this past couple of days (pizza last night, bites of all my family's meals tonight), I will clean it up today and into tomorrow. I will not slide back into my old ways. I WILL get down to 150 pounds. Only 28 pounds to go!


Anonymous said...

We're here for you. These days of yours have GOT to get better! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers girl.

Britishlady said...

You can do it girlie! It's so easy to slip back into old habits, but the difference here is that you are conscious of it and you're refusing to go back..that's the difference between success and failure.
Remember...take one day at a time!