Monday, February 9, 2009

When to sweat the small stuff...

So, when should you sweat the small stuff? When the small stuff is keeping you from your goal. In my case, it's a bite of this, a nibble of that. Small missteps that have led to big delays in my achievement of my dreams.

Another sloppy weekend. I have a confession (which I have made privately in life, but I am willing to make here), which is that I am a compulsive overeater. You may have noticed the link to OA down below. That's not an accident. Many of you already know that I have been in recovery from other addictions for nearly 14 years (my anniversary is March 7). I know that I need to develop the same willingness and the same humility around this aspect of my addictedness.

Morning meditations are such a wonderful thing in my life, because they almost always hit exactly whatever it is I am going through. So it was no surprise that one of my meditations was all about how we play with our recovery. It suggested an interesting exercise, which I will share with you. What it suggested was that we list ways we work our Program, and ways we play with it, and then focus on the first list throughout the day. (This can also work with Tony's program, by the way.)

Here's my list of how I work the program:

Call my sponsor
Make a plan
Write down my plan
Follow my plan
Go to a meeting
Practice mindful meditation
Eat consciously
Pray before eating
Work the steps
Avoid people, places and things
Don't take the first compulsive bite NO MATTER WHAT

I printed that out and put it on my fridge, in my purse, in my car and on my wall.

For the morbidly curious, here's my list of the ways I play with my program:

Tell myself, "I'll remember it,,," or "One nibble won't hurt..."
Forget what I eat
Go to a party without being prepared
Futurize (idealize about the future)
Think negatively
Miss meetings
Neglect to call or email my sponsor
Skip steps

This post is all about casting positive thoughts into the Universe about how I intend to make the next phase of this recreation a reality. One of my meditations talked about nothing more than how close I am to realizing my goals. Very, very, very close, it said. Tony has a vision of me being on magazine covers. I LOVE that. I need to become it. I am very close. I will weigh 140 by the end of this year. I will be ripped and toned. I will not let my demons take this dream from me anymore than I would have let them take my family and children - and they would have if I had kept drinking.

These dreams are mine and I fully intend to claim them.

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