I should really go back and read my blogs and see if what I suspect to be the case is really true. Is it possible that twice a month - when I ovulate and when I'm menstruating, I'm a compulsively overeating, chocolate craving, whiny, angry mess? It certainly seems that way.
Then, when the hormonal fog lifts a bit, I swear I feel like I've got my own little band of bluebirds chirping around my head and happy Disney music playing as I skip along on the treadmill or press 80 pounds off my chest.
Anyhoo, I was rockin' a pair of size 11 (juniors) Calvin Klein skinny jeans today, and was feeling a fair amount of sass in my step. That old familiar, I'm-pretty-damn-hot-for-nearly-40-with-three-kids feeling. I'm feeling confident again that I'll be seeing the other side of 160 (the 150s, that is) before the Spring thaw. Works for me.
Tony said a funny thing the other day when we finally connected by phone. I had told him that I was worried he was disappointed in me for falling off the wagon again and explained that for a minute, I allowed my belief in myself and my ability to achieve my dream body to waver.
"Not acceptable," he said, simply. "You'll see. One of these days, you'll be at 135 and you'll have those abs ripped and it will take just a couple pounds to get to that perfect body and you'll struggle with that, too, and this will all seem unreal, that you ever worried about being able to get that far. You can never lose faith in yourself. You can never stop believing that you can do this. You are doing this." I was quiet for a moment, then finally opened my mouth to share the one thing that was still bothering me about what he'd just said.
"135, Tony? Really? I don't think I've weighed 135 since I was, like, 9 years old."
He and I both got a good chuckle out of that one.
2 comments:
Hey girl!
I am going to be real with you here..as a horrible sufferer of mood swings from both ovulation and pms since the age of 14, YES, it is hormones. HOWEVER, if you start thinking..hey, I'm ovulating or hey, I'm pmsing - you will start using it as an EXCUSE..and it will soon become a self-fulfilling prophecy..literally, every month at ovulation you will start craving more crap and ditto for pms..is it physical? yes..but I also am a firm believer it is mental too...so I actually STOPPED paying attention to my cycle so it wouldn't get in my head "oh, it's 10 days before my period, this is when I crave chocolate" and you know..it worked. Just some thoughts..
No need to apologize. I need to keep track because I get so emotional and snappy with my family and unless I realize what's happening I ALWAYS think I'm going crazy. It's not an excuse to binge. Quite the contrary. I know I can't afford to binge, no matter what, and at least if I know it's "that time of the month" I'll be more vigilant AND more gentle with myself (NOT to be read - lax about food).
Thanks for the comment!
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