What's wrong with me? Why are all these other women able to commit to this unbelievably stringent way of life, and for me, food always comes out on top? Always triumphs?
I was doing okay - I got through Friday and Saturday, and then today (normally "free" day) hit me like a ton of bricks. I woke up hungry, and had an apple before running 4 miles (I was asked to sing the national anthem for the Philadelphia Triathlon, and had to run to and from the start because the roads were closed off.)
I felt weird the rest of the day. Craving carbs, but also just weird and out of sorts. After the race, I had a huge egg white omelet with broccoli, turkey meat and soy cheese, a veggie sausage patty and my oatmeal with brown rice syrup. Then, I took a nap ... UNTIL NOON. Wild and decadent.
The demons (and the Fat Monkey) were still all over me. I ate three vegetarian chicken patties, then gave the girls reading lessons and ate steamed squash. At about 3 pm, I decided to take the girls to the pool and was still feeling squirrely, so gave in and ate 2/3 a banana. At the pool, I was dying to eat their peanut butters and crackers. Finally, at about 5:15, I couldn't take it any more. I ate the knot from my daughter's soft pretzel. And from there, it was off to the races - not like before. Not like back in the day. But definitely no longer super clean:
- three Ritz peanut butter crackers
- 6 grapes
- multigrain pasta w/ff mozzarella cheese, lo-sugar tomato sauce and grilled chicken
- ww hamburger bun toasted, w/margarine and parmesan cheese
- Cocoa Bumpers cereal, unsweetened almond milk, banana
Nowhere near what a Sunday would have looked like even a week ago, but I still am beating myself up, wondering why I have failed where so many others have been able to press on past the temptation and stay clean.
Anyway, I knew it would be best for me to put it out there and be honest. I'm fully determined to get right back on the horse tomorrow.
I'm off to bed now.