Sunday, June 22, 2008

I'm afraid to post...afraid for the backlash.

What's wrong with me? Why are all these other women able to commit to this unbelievably stringent way of life, and for me, food always comes out on top? Always triumphs?

I was doing okay - I got through Friday and Saturday, and then today (normally "free" day) hit me like a ton of bricks. I woke up hungry, and had an apple before running 4 miles (I was asked to sing the national anthem for the Philadelphia Triathlon, and had to run to and from the start because the roads were closed off.)

I felt weird the rest of the day. Craving carbs, but also just weird and out of sorts. After the race, I had a huge egg white omelet with broccoli, turkey meat and soy cheese, a veggie sausage patty and my oatmeal with brown rice syrup. Then, I took a nap ... UNTIL NOON. Wild and decadent.

The demons (and the Fat Monkey) were still all over me. I ate three vegetarian chicken patties, then gave the girls reading lessons and ate steamed squash. At about 3 pm, I decided to take the girls to the pool and was still feeling squirrely, so gave in and ate 2/3 a banana. At the pool, I was dying to eat their peanut butters and crackers. Finally, at about 5:15, I couldn't take it any more. I ate the knot from my daughter's soft pretzel. And from there, it was off to the races - not like before. Not like back in the day. But definitely no longer super clean:

- three Ritz peanut butter crackers
- 6 grapes
- multigrain pasta w/ff mozzarella cheese, lo-sugar tomato sauce and grilled chicken
- ww hamburger bun toasted, w/margarine and parmesan cheese
- Cocoa Bumpers cereal, unsweetened almond milk, banana

Nowhere near what a Sunday would have looked like even a week ago, but I still am beating myself up, wondering why I have failed where so many others have been able to press on past the temptation and stay clean.

Anyway, I knew it would be best for me to put it out there and be honest. I'm fully determined to get right back on the horse tomorrow.

I'm off to bed now.

Good night,



Kristen said...

Let me start by saying, there is NOTHING wrong with you! You are commited to health and wellness. You are commited to feeling good about yourself. You are commited to being healthy for your girls and setting a good example for them. Food may have triumphed in the past, but not now, not when there is so much on the line.

It sounds like you had a great weekend! Stop beating yourself up! You had a little slip up, but that was yesterday and today is a new day. Its just food, stop giving it the power to make you feel badly about yourself. You are a wonderful wife and mother, a successful business owner, and an energetic, caring, and determined woman. Let these attributes define you, not what you eat.

Linda G.L said...

You are training for a triatholon...that is awesome!!! I wouldn't even make an attempt..I would probably pass out after the first minute. Why are you waiting till after that to sign up with Tony.... don't you think he would help you now.

I want to sign up with him now but am starting a new job so I'm going to wait a little till I get accustomed. The funny thing is my territory is in Great Neck, Long Island....I may even try to get a training session with Tony!!! Maybe??!

How are you not in size 8s already....while you are training for a triatholon?? I'm sure you look amazing.

Don't beat yourself started eating clean and then you had a turn for the worst and you gave in. It happens to the best of us...actually, I believe all of us. You just have to put in the past and start off the next day strong and clean. You can definitely do it...You have it in you!!!!