Have you ever had the feeling, in the midst of getting some really bad news, that it's for the best? I don't mean that fake smile you give as the tears stream down your face, keeping a stiff upper lip as you say bravely, "No, no, it's fine...I'm sure something better will come along." I mean when you really know that something better is coming, know it so definitively that you aren't even upset by the devastating situation you find yourself in.
That's how I felt today when I found out that my client wasn't renewing my contract next year. Is that strange? Is that crazy? It's not the first time it's happened.
10 years ago, I was stunned when the leader of my band, the first band I'd ever been in, the only band I'd ever been in, the band that brought me to my future husband, casually announced he wouldn't be needing me anymore. Not only did this mean I wouldn't be singing anymore, it meant I wouldn't be spending time with my guy - at shows, at rehearsals. And my ego was bruised beyond recognition (as it is now, I suppose). But I remember so clearly, my head on my husband's chest, my tears soaking a huge spot in the front of his flannel button-down, then looking up at him and saying, "The thing that's so strange is that even as I'm sitting here, crying so hard about this, I know something better is coming along." A few months later, I was back in the band, subbing in for one of the singers who hadn't shown up. A few months after that, I was the only singer (still a sub). A few months after that, when the bandleader quit dramatically, the band looked to me to lead them. And I did. I didn't know when I was sobbing at having been summarily dismissed from the band that I would be leading it just a few months later.
I have that same feeling now. That the Universe is opening up space in my life for something. Something phenomenal. Something beyond my wildest dreams. So, am I scared that I don't know what that is? Sure, I am. Am I scared that I don't have guaranteed income beyond next March? Darn skippy. But you know what? I'm excited, too. Because the Universe has never, NEVER let me down before.
Food's clean today. I didn't get my workout in, but I hope to get it in tomorrow. Not sure if I will, but I sure will try. I'll be hitting it hard this weekend, whatever happens.
Take care, y'all.