My Independence Day

Happy 4th of July everyone!

For many people, the 4th of July is about laying by the pool, or about hopping from cookout to cookout, eating tons of hot dogs and hamburgers, potato salad, chips and that cake that's iced to look like an American Flag. Hell, I have to admit that I looked forward to the cookouts and the pigouts more years than I care to admit.

This year, the 4th of July is not about eating (for once). It's about freedom. Freedom from compulsive eating AND from compulsive dieting. It's about freedom from addiction of all kinds. It's about freedom from poverty (I start a fabulous new project on Tuesday - YEAH!). It's about freedom from illness - dramatic, life-threatening illness, like the Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever that my 6 year old faced last year, and from mundane health issues like acne or achy joints. This July 4th, everyone is healthy and happy (and two of my daughters are even swimming, unassisted). It's about freedom from self-pity or martyrdom, freedom from being overwhelmed. Freedom!!!

I woke up this morning without my alarm, as I do every morning, and turned on a mindful meditation MP3 to start my day off right (thanks, Tony D for that...I still do it daily). Then, I got up and made my coffee, read my meditation books and wrote a couple pages in my journal. Ate a yummy vitatop muffin on my way to the trails, and then ran a quick and totally fun 5 miles with one of my dearest friends before the heat became unbearable. Came home and made a yummy protein-rich breakfast, and got the girls together to watch the July 4 relay races. It was hot, kinda boring, and then not one, but two of my three daughters had to pee. We went to the pool to use the bathroom - locked. The community hall, locked. The library, of course, locked. I looked at my girls and said, "You know what? This isn't flowing. Let's go home." "Are you mad?" they asked. "Nope, not mad. Just going with the flow."

Home we came, where they are playing learning games on the computers and in their new workbooks, while I catch up on the blogs, which are long overdue for an update.

I am so grateful to be free today. Not just free in the sense of living in a free country, though of course, I am also grateful for that. But for so many years, I was a prisoner in my MIND, which is so full of shoulds and should nots, I could never hear what I wanted to do in any given moment. Today, I am free to live each moment committed to health, sanity, and joy. And I truly, TRULY thank God for that.

Freedom and love to you all!

Love, Liimu

Has it really been nearly a month since I last confessed?

Wow, I cannot believe that it's been that long since I last posted an update.

Things have been really great. I celebrated my birthday on May 22 and had many of my friends and family around to help me celebrate my transition into a whole new decade. I kicked off the day with a live performance at a festival to promote drug and alcohol awareness. Totally fun.

Since then, I've been having a LOT of fun with my girls. I've lost my accountability partner, but I've managed to stay on track by myself (and with the support of my friends and family). I haven't talked to T in awhile. We're supposed to talk tomorrow, and we have a lot to talk about, not the least of which being the fact that I'm going to have to go it alone for awhile.

I've stayed fairly steady, which is amazing considering the fact that I spent ten days in Italy and had a huge birthday celebration. I'm headed to Martha's Vineyard on Wednesday for my sister's 50th birthday celebration and I'm so confident that I'm going to be able to have a successful, healthy vacation. What a miracle.

Anyway, that's it for now. I'll check in again soon!

I'm in ITALY!!!

OMG, it is so beautiful here and we are having SO much fun. I am determined to keep my eating in check and just focus on the beauty of this amazing country, though I have to admit that today was wonkalicious. (By that I mean wonky, but in a good way, because I just went with the flow.) We were in transit FOREVER because the flight was delayed three hours and then the baggage handlers in Italy decided to go on STRIKE, but we finally made it here by 6 pm. Suffice it to say, I had no calories until 6 pm and then had a huge dinner. I am proud of myself, though, because I have been having vegetables and I also had 1/3 of my dessert with dinner (my favorite dessert, I might add) and gave the rest to hubby.

I'm hopeful I have the energy to get up and run the streets of Venice. (Not the canals, mind you - steering clear of those.) I don't actually see anyone else running, so I'm a little worried they will look at me like I have three heads, but I'm going to give it a try, anyway. There is a fitness center, too. If I'm really shy, maybe I'll just give that a go. We have to make sure to get lots of spring water, because that's actually where I find myself struggling the most.

But this is really a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. My mom was gracious enough to take the kids, so hubby and I are truly on our own, enjoying this amazing experience together. (He's crashed out in the room right now, and I'm just trying to hold on long enough to call the girls.) Tomorrow, we will take a walking tour of Venice and go on a gondola ride. Romantic, yes!!! (I'd better not come back preggo. BWAHAHA!) Note from Me, 4.5 months later and 4 months pregnant: "Ha, bloody ha."

Anyway, hope you're all doing well. Talk to you soon!

All proteins are NOT created equal...

Don't get me wrong. I like peanut butter as much as the next person. Hell, that's a lie. I probably like peanut butter a whole lot MORE than the next person. Like my latest favorite, Peanut Butter & Co.'s White Chocolate Wonderful. But I know what it is, and I know what it isn't.

Today, I was on the elliptical reading one of the magazines they provide and there was an interesting interview with Kathy Griffin where she talked about how, as a stand up comic, she finally realized that she didn't have to be as obsessive about how she looks (as she might if she were an A-list actress or a model, or something, I guess). But then, she said that she swears by peanut butter as her primary protein source, that she even keeps a jar of it with her on the road.

Now in the past, I would have taken this advice and run with it. Not just because I used to blindly take whatever I read as gospel, but mostly because I love peanut butter and would love to be able to give myself permission to eat it by the jarful. The truth is, I know better. While peanut butter has some protein, it is more accurately a FAT source than a PROTEIN source. Two tablespoons of regular peanut butter has 190 calories and a whopping SIXTEEN grams of fat, and only 8 grams of protein. That is by no means the same as other lean sources of protein: a cup of egg whites has 80 calories, SEVENTEEN grams of protein and no fat. Two ounces of chicken breast also has 17 grams of protein, but only 110 calories and 4 grams of fat.

Don't get me wrong. Peanut butter has a place in my life. I luuuurv it. I have learned to have a teaspoon of it, which has negligible protein but also fairly low calories. I have also learned to relegate it to the fat category so I don't get overconfident about adding it to my meal plan. When I'm calling it protein in my head, I can justify eating a tablespoon of it (or two or three) right out of the jar as I rush out the door to grab my kids off the bus. Just like that, I've consumed an extra 200+ calories and close to 20 grams of fat. SO not worth it.

Skinny as she is, I'm imagining Kathy's not doing that. She's probably much more careful about how she doles out the creamy good stuff. She also is probably working crazy hours and having no problem keeping her calories under control. I, on the other hand, need to really keep it in its proper place.

I love you, Peanut Butter. But you are NOT a protein source in my head. Chicken breast, salmon, tuna, egg whites, yes. Peanut butter, no. You're way too yummy to be an even exchange for any of that stuff. :)

I DID IT!!!

I did it - another year, another successful Broad Street ten-mile run!! I was about 3 minutes slower than last year, thanks to the extra poundage I'm carrying (and the fact that it was 80 degrees at the race START). Here's a pic of me and my girls right before the race started:

Everyone I ran with was faster than me, but that just makes my competitive spirit kick in. I am DETERMINED to lose the last of this weight, keep training with people faster than me and truly get my 10-minute pace when we run the half-marathon in September. I'm going to register for it today and go online to find my favorite sneakers. I haven't gotten a new pair since before the 2009 Broad Street Run, so needless to say my dogs were BARKING during today's run.

I'm doing so super great, and was happy to see that I was down a pound this morning despite the fact that it's the weekend. Today is going well so far. I thoroughly enjoyed my post-run meal (thanks, in part, to the fact that my Scavenger of a three-year old was down for a nap when we got home, thank you dear Erica the Sitter).

Relaxing now, enjoying some time on the computer with the girls. When the baby gets up, I will join them for a hot bath and wash and braid their hair. Not my favorite part of the week, but eh, what are you gonna do? Oop, she's up and the 6-year old is complaining about a weird bug on her leg. Gotta run! (Pun intended.)

Another day, another ten miles...

So, I have to say, I'm surprised there wasn't more backlash from yesterday's post on counting calories. Either that means you all agree with me, or no one reads me. :) Either way, I'm a believer. Down 2 pounds this week and feeling stronger and leaner than ever.

Tomorrow is my annual ten-mile run, the Philadelphia Broad Street Run. I'm running with my hubby for the first time and also encouraged by recent training runs that suggest I might actually beat last year's pace of 10:45 min per mile. One thing that has always been a bit of a challenge for me, as most of you distance runners know, is the insatiable hunger that comes with a run longer than 6 miles. So tonight, I have developed a 1700 calories food plan for tomorrow that allows for a satisfying pre-run meal and a generous post-run breakfast.

I'll keep you guys posted, but I think I will actually reach my goal of 165 before we go to Italy, and under 160 by the first day of Summer. We go to a beach house for the last two weeks of summer, and I fully intend to be at goal (150) by the time we get there. I know, I know...I've said that before. But this time, I have a plan of how to get there and it seems to be working!!

Old is new again!

For the past several weeks, I have been trying something new. OK, well, it's not really new. It's actually a tried and true method that has been around since Eve first wondered if her leaf made her hips look wide. It's called calorie counting. Are you familiar with it?

Lately, I've been noticing tons of celebrities touting calorie counting as the key to their success in staying lean and fit. Carrie Underwood carries a food diary, and considers her meticulous calorie counting to be the key to her success at losing the last 20 pounds. Other celebrities, such as Valerie Bertinelli and Renee Zellweger, claim calorie counting is a part of what has made them successful at getting and/or staying lean.

I have always known that staying accountable is key. I have also seen over the past several years that I can be working out 6 days a week, three of those days with a trainer who is kicking my a** LIVE in the gym, and still stay within spitting distance of a very unhealthy 200 pounds if I'm not being conscious of what is going in my mouth. For the first time, I'm trying to test the reverse theory - if staying 100% accountable for what is going in my mouth will finally get me the last 10-12 pounds to goal.

Here are ten tips I have found to be helpful to keep in mind:

1. Find the calorie amount that works for you (i.e., allows you to lose weight without feeling deprived and starved) and then make sure you stay in a range that keeps that calorie amount the overall average. (You should take into account how much you currently weigh and how much you workout.)
2. Have a rough sketch of your food plan for each day, and pack any meals to take with you on the go
3. Try to eat every 3 hours so you don't get too hungry. Extreme hunger is a set up for going off plan or binge-eating.
4. Drink tons of water. Sometimes, believe it or not, you can mistake thirst for hunger.
5. Find an accountability partner, someone who can encourage you when you're losing motivation, someone who can give you a high-five when you are staying on track.
6. Make sure you're eating REAL food. Real food keeps you full longer and is often naturally lower in sugar, fat and calories.
7. Find opportunities to reduce calories in ways that won't hurt too much - will it kill you to have a 1/2 slice of cheese on your sandwich, instead of a whole slice?
8. Staying positive is key. Look for other opportunities to track your success than just the scale. Look at yourself in the mirror and see how your skin is getting smoother, your face is getting thinner. Take out the tape measure and watch the inches melt off. Feel the pleasure of knowing you are making healthy choices and changing your life for the better!
9. Don't think of it as a diet - think of it as a lifestyle change. One day, you'll find yourself counting the calories in your head! (But you'll still keep a food journal, won't you? Good girl...or boy).
10. If you're tired, go to bed! (Which is what I need to do now...if I stay up too late, I start fantasizing about what I can eat...)

So, that's all for me! Find yourself a good trainer to get you started with a killer workout program. My favorite, of course, is Tony D of Dreambodies. Tony can also help you revamp your food plan so you don't eat 1600 calories of sugar and fat. I generally eat Dreambodies approved meals, and I know I eat super healthy. The only difference is that I'm meticulous about keeping track of what's going in my mouth so that if I do eat something that's not on the menu plan, I'm held accountable for it. Accountability is key. There's a reason people have been counting calories forever and ever. It's cause it works!