Are You On a Diet?

Someone asked me that question this past Sunday, and my answer was a solid and resounding "NO." Now, it just so happened that I hadn't actually started my Dreambodies journey - yesterday was Day 1, as you know. But to be honest, even if I had been asked the question after I started, my answer would have been the same.

I don't believe in dieting. We've all read the magazine articles that talk about the fact that diets don't work, and I believe that to be true. It doesn't work to go "on" a diet, because that presupposes that eventually you will go "off" the diet. In my case, my period of being "off" a diet more than counterbalance any of my good dieting efforts.

All that being said, though, my reason for being so convicted about not being on a diet when my friend asked me had less to do with the efficacy of diets and everything to do with the Law of Attraction. The fact is, I am done with perceiving myself (and being perceived) as someone who has to diet in order to have a great body, beautiful skin, and tons of energy.

So, I am not on a diet. I am on...

A MISSION.

I am stoked to be on Dreambodies, because I basically get my marching orders - daily meal plan, workout, etc - and then I don't think about it anymore. If I feel myself weakening, I send an e-mail to my trainer and he e-mails me right back with an answer to my question, words of encouragement or a virtual kick in the pants.

• I am on a mission to become a leaner, stronger version of myself, better even than before I got pregnant.


• I am on a mission to show my daughters that motherhood, aging, and fierce beauty don't have to be mutually exclusive.


• I am on a mission to reclaim the inner vixen, inner goddess, inner Betty Boop that I have carried with me all these years but only in small spurts have been released to the outside world.


• I am on a mission to follow through on my commitment to myself, my health and my children's desire to have me around for a long time.

I am on a mission. Feel free to come along for the ride. :)

My Independence Day

Happy 4th of July everyone!

For many people, the 4th of July is about laying by the pool, or about hopping from cookout to cookout, eating tons of hot dogs and hamburgers, potato salad, chips and that cake that's iced to look like an American Flag. Hell, I have to admit that I looked forward to the cookouts and the pigouts more years than I care to admit.

This year, the 4th of July is not about eating (for once). It's about freedom. Freedom from compulsive eating AND from compulsive dieting. It's about freedom from addiction of all kinds. It's about freedom from poverty (I start a fabulous new project on Tuesday - YEAH!). It's about freedom from illness - dramatic, life-threatening illness, like the Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever that my 6 year old faced last year, and from mundane health issues like acne or achy joints. This July 4th, everyone is healthy and happy (and two of my daughters are even swimming, unassisted). It's about freedom from self-pity or martyrdom, freedom from being overwhelmed. Freedom!!!

I woke up this morning without my alarm, as I do every morning, and turned on a mindful meditation MP3 to start my day off right (thanks, Tony D for that...I still do it daily). Then, I got up and made my coffee, read my meditation books and wrote a couple pages in my journal. Ate a yummy vitatop muffin on my way to the trails, and then ran a quick and totally fun 5 miles with one of my dearest friends before the heat became unbearable. Came home and made a yummy protein-rich breakfast, and got the girls together to watch the July 4 relay races. It was hot, kinda boring, and then not one, but two of my three daughters had to pee. We went to the pool to use the bathroom - locked. The community hall, locked. The library, of course, locked. I looked at my girls and said, "You know what? This isn't flowing. Let's go home." "Are you mad?" they asked. "Nope, not mad. Just going with the flow."

Home we came, where they are playing learning games on the computers and in their new workbooks, while I catch up on the blogs, which are long overdue for an update.

I am so grateful to be free today. Not just free in the sense of living in a free country, though of course, I am also grateful for that. But for so many years, I was a prisoner in my MIND, which is so full of shoulds and should nots, I could never hear what I wanted to do in any given moment. Today, I am free to live each moment committed to health, sanity, and joy. And I truly, TRULY thank God for that.

Freedom and love to you all!

Love, Liimu

Old is new again!

For the past several weeks, I have been trying something new. OK, well, it's not really new. It's actually a tried and true method that has been around since Eve first wondered if her leaf made her hips look wide. It's called calorie counting. Are you familiar with it?

Lately, I've been noticing tons of celebrities touting calorie counting as the key to their success in staying lean and fit. Carrie Underwood carries a food diary, and considers her meticulous calorie counting to be the key to her success at losing the last 20 pounds. Other celebrities, such as Valerie Bertinelli and Renee Zellweger, claim calorie counting is a part of what has made them successful at getting and/or staying lean.

I have always known that staying accountable is key. I have also seen over the past several years that I can be working out 6 days a week, three of those days with a trainer who is kicking my a** LIVE in the gym, and still stay within spitting distance of a very unhealthy 200 pounds if I'm not being conscious of what is going in my mouth. For the first time, I'm trying to test the reverse theory - if staying 100% accountable for what is going in my mouth will finally get me the last 10-12 pounds to goal.

Here are ten tips I have found to be helpful to keep in mind:

1. Find the calorie amount that works for you (i.e., allows you to lose weight without feeling deprived and starved) and then make sure you stay in a range that keeps that calorie amount the overall average. (You should take into account how much you currently weigh and how much you workout.)
2. Have a rough sketch of your food plan for each day, and pack any meals to take with you on the go
3. Try to eat every 3 hours so you don't get too hungry. Extreme hunger is a set up for going off plan or binge-eating.
4. Drink tons of water. Sometimes, believe it or not, you can mistake thirst for hunger.
5. Find an accountability partner, someone who can encourage you when you're losing motivation, someone who can give you a high-five when you are staying on track.
6. Make sure you're eating REAL food. Real food keeps you full longer and is often naturally lower in sugar, fat and calories.
7. Find opportunities to reduce calories in ways that won't hurt too much - will it kill you to have a 1/2 slice of cheese on your sandwich, instead of a whole slice?
8. Staying positive is key. Look for other opportunities to track your success than just the scale. Look at yourself in the mirror and see how your skin is getting smoother, your face is getting thinner. Take out the tape measure and watch the inches melt off. Feel the pleasure of knowing you are making healthy choices and changing your life for the better!
9. Don't think of it as a diet - think of it as a lifestyle change. One day, you'll find yourself counting the calories in your head! (But you'll still keep a food journal, won't you? Good girl...or boy).
10. If you're tired, go to bed! (Which is what I need to do now...if I stay up too late, I start fantasizing about what I can eat...)

So, that's all for me! Find yourself a good trainer to get you started with a killer workout program. My favorite, of course, is Tony D of Dreambodies. Tony can also help you revamp your food plan so you don't eat 1600 calories of sugar and fat. I generally eat Dreambodies approved meals, and I know I eat super healthy. The only difference is that I'm meticulous about keeping track of what's going in my mouth so that if I do eat something that's not on the menu plan, I'm held accountable for it. Accountability is key. There's a reason people have been counting calories forever and ever. It's cause it works!

Three days and counting...

Dang - has it been three days already? How did so much time go by since I last posted?

Well, so let me tell you what's going on with me. I have written two new original songs in the last two weeks, so I'm really happy about that. I will be showcasing them on September 12 at a club here in Philly (if you want more information about that, hit me up on e-mail and I'll let you know where and when!). So, now it's just up to my band to learn the songs and add their own particular flair to it. Fingers crossed, these songs will be HOT!

In other news, I feel like I'm doing pretty well on the fitness front. I've been eating fairly clean and healthy for about a month and a half now, and am still hitting it hard in the gym. I had a really good tri workout yesterday and today was legs. No presses, but I have to admit I enjoy my squats, yo. Tomorrow is chest. I do like a good chest workout. Plus, I have plans to run a couple times this week, so I'm happy to report that I'll be getting in my extra cardio, too.

Wouldn't you think that would translate into a nice drop on the scale on Friday? Yeah, me too. I do have to start taking pics and measurements regularly, too, though - Tony asked me to - because this will give me a more well-rounded picture than just what that stupid scale says. (Oh, sorry, Scale. I didn't mean to call you stupid. Please be nice to me on Friday. Don't be mad, Scale...don't be mean...)

Anyhoo - I'll let you know how that goes. Three days and counting...

Looking forward to a vacation, and coming back feeling healthy!

I'm going on vacation tomorrow. Always a little bit of a scary proposition. Tony actually authorized me to have a cheat meal every day while I'm gone. Here's the kicker...I also have to start each day with an hour of high-intensity cardio, and this is in addition to the plyometric workouts he's sending me off with.

You know what? I'm looking forward to it. And it starts tomorrow. I'm going to get up early enough to head to the gym before we go. I really cannot wait to head out and on the road. The girls are really excited, and so am I. I just hope I don't forget anything.

So, what I can tell you though, is that it was a really good weekend. I was completely set up for a binge-fest - hubby had gigs yesterday and today (so I was a single mom of three little girls, which is one of the biggest triggers for me) and yesterday we were at a barbecue that was full of tempting foods and I was hungry. I made healthy choices all day, and was happy to see that I was down to 167 point something or other today. 22 pounds to go. *sigh*

Truth is, if I just stay the course, I will get there. Not sure when or how long it will take, but as long as I don't do anything that sets me up for a binge, I will get there. No more two steps forward, one step backward for me. Just one step in front of the other...slow, surefooted, and forward progressing.

And that means NO fantasizing about vacations and what I can or can't eat when I'm away. There will be a lot of wonderful things about being on vacation - uninterrupted time with the kids, sleeping late in the morning, napping in the afternoon, getting to more AA meetings, hanging out with my sister and her family. Yes, there are lots of wonderful things about being on vacation, but eating whatever the hell I want just won't be one of them. I fully intend to eat just as I have been. Hell, I may even lose a pound or two. :)

What's My Problem?

I'll tell you what my problem is. I'm a compulsive overeater. It's an eating disorder that is likened to alcoholism and is characterized by an obsessive/compulsive relationship with food. I have suffered from this since I was about 9 years old, although I have controlled the major symptoms (with varying degrees of success) with dieting and exercise. My obsessive thoughts about food have continued.

I have been attending online OA meetings since last August and the truth is that when I am in a state of surrendering to the fact that I have this issue and am following a plan that I have committed to a sponsor (often Tony's plan) and relying on my Higher Power for guidance and direction, I am fine. Not only does the weight start to come off, but I like what I see in the mirror and I generally feel positive and happy about life and optimistic about my future. As soon as I take my will back with food, I'm sunk. I start to feel desperate and uneasy, fearful and FAT.

A couple days ago, I was in Whole Foods getting a salad and I stopped by one of the tables that was offering taste tests of a new hummus. I wanted to bring hummus with us to Martha's Vineyard next week and I justified that one little bite wouldn't hurt. Well, it DID hurt, because it screwed up my abstinence. For most people a bite or two of hummus on a pita chip is no big deal, but for a compulsive overeater, to start thinking we can spontaneously decide what should go in our mouths is just like the alcoholic thinking what harm can a glass of champagne at a wedding do?

So, I wanted to expose this to all of my blog reader friends out there in the hopes that this nasty disease can't thrive in direct sunlight. I fully expect that this will help me get to the next phase of this Dreambody Journey, which is to love myself fully and unconditionally, from the inside out.

Life is good and getting better!

What a beautiful day we had today.

Hubby and I were aligned in our desire to spend the day together as a family, which was so nice. Doesn't always happen - we often do a date night and then spend time individually with the kids but are sort of two ships passing in the night here in the house. Well, today we wanted to do something all together. We didn't even spend any money!

First, I decided to take the day off from working out. (I hadn't had a day off in over a week.) We took the girls to feed the ducks - the weather was beautiful - and then out to lunch. Then, we all went to Target to buy some bike helmets and other accessories (ooh...maybe I'll go for a nice long bike ride tomorrow) and then came home to do some biking outside. I laid down with the baby and got an hour nap, and then got up and hung with the family for awhile before having my yummy dinner of stuffed mushrooms and green beans while they all had pizza. Then, I had my newest favorite dessert - cottage cheese w/sugar-free, fat-free chocolate pudding, aka chocolate mousse, while finishing up some work for my brother.

Tomorrow, I hope to get details about a new work project. Thank GOODNESS! Pray for me, that it will come through and will be the bridge back to continuous work and income!!!

Hope everyone had a great Memorial Day. Can't wait to hit the gym tomorrow!!!

Love, Liimu

I'm psyched! I'm happy! I'm BACK!!!

OK, my skin is still outrageously horrible and I was only comfortable in my size 12 shorts today, but I am SOOOO happy tonight. SOOOO happy! Why? Because I went to the Memorial Day cookout, and I stayed abstinent! I'm BACK, baby! I had shrimp and chicken kebobs, less than a 1/2 cup of brown rice, some tortilla chips and real salsa and maybe a handful of popcorn. It was all worth it. I brought a cake to thank my friends for being such great neighbors during the crisis of the past few weeks, and I even CUT it, and didn't have a single slice. Yay, me!

Oh, you know what else happened today? I went to the gym this morning, despite the fact that I woke up feeling like maybe I was due for a day off. (I haven't really had a day off since last Sunday.) I got to the gym and started off with a lame 10 minutes on the elliptical, then was going to do legs. I got back to where the olympic bar squat machine was and hubby was on it. I sat next to him and was just SO tired. He had one set left to do, but didn't even get halfway through before I got up and was like, ah forget it. I was truly going to go to the learning center and sit with the kids until hubby was done. Then, I realized I was going backward (like Tina says - away from my goals...) and so I remembered that my triathlon training was to run for 45 minutes. I figured I'd just get on the treadmill and see what happened. I ran the first mile at 5.0 (I always know that it takes at least a mile or so to get going, and once I'm a mile into it, I"m usually good.) I ran the second mile at 5.5. I ran the third mile and a quarter at 6.0, and then ran the rest at 6.5. (Actually, I pushed it the last two minutes, running 30 seconds at 7 mph, then 30 seconds at 7.5 mph, then a minute at 8 mph). All in all, I ended up running 4.25 miles in the 45 minutes. Yay, me!

Oh, and the last thing I'm psyched about? I got an email about WORK! I might actually have a project starting up soon. Finally! Things are shifting and changing and I am SO psyched!

Hey, in case you were wondering, here are my goals.I like to say them. It feels good to say them.

Under 170 by June 1 (currently 172.6)
Under 160 by July 4
Under 150 by Labor Day

Yay!!!

Up and Down

Yes, it's true. You're not seeing things. I'm up five pounds from last week. Combination of emotional eating and not getting to the gym since last Friday and I'm definitely not in a good place, at least as far as the number on the scale. I've had strep throat, for those of you who don't know, but that's no excuse for how I've been eating. In fact, most people would probably have lost weight in my situation because it has been so painful to eat. Leave it to someone with my addictive personality to find a way. My daughter actually said to me at one point, "Mommy, if it feels like you're swallowing knives, why are you eating?"

Good question.

The good news? I'm definitely still in the game. It takes a lot more than five pounds to take me out of it. I loved Tina's comment from the other day. I love the support and encouragement you guys give and I cannot WAIT to be the one giving that support and encouragement to someone else new (I'm still relatively new) who's struggling to break through a plateau. Not a weight plateau, but a mental plateau.

So, I have my food plan and workout printed and ready. I'm meeting my sister at the gym tomorrow, where we will get in really good long workouts and then back to her house for our MRP w/glutamine followed by massages. I'm looking forward to tomorrow for the first time in a long time.

It will be sunny, I will be sunny. I'm so grateful to be alive. I don't want to waste my time sabotaging my own happiness.

I'll report in more regularly, too, though it may not include weight updates as often. I'm going to try to go back to weighing once a week, rather than every day. (Whoa - I thought I just heard a cheer roar out from cyberspace.)

Leaping hurdles

Another day of hurdles...and I leapt over every one. Today, I took my daughter out to breakfast, and I made healthy choices - I opted for rye toast instead of oatmeal, but I got no butter and ignored the little nasty voice that was reminding me I could have a bagel with cream cheese or a short stack...no one would know.

Then, on to lunch. Devon ordered mini turkey burgers with cheddar cheese and fries. I felt like I was rocking it by ordering a single crabcake and the salad bar with light ranch dressing. (Tony told me later that the crab cake was not the best choice, but oh, well.) When you keep in mind the fact that my daughter was offering me a french fry every five minutes (and yes, they were the yummy Ruby Tuesday over-seasoned kind), I'm pretty proud of myself for what I ate.

I could go on and on about the things Devon offered me and the things that little nasty voice suggested I might eat when no one was paying attention. But the only thing that matter is this:

I didn't eat anything I wasn't supposed to eat today. Not one single bite.

So, will the scale finally move? Who knows? Who cares? I'm getting through day after day learning more about my ability to just face down the stupid temptations and the voices in my head that lure me toward them.

In other news, Tony has authorized a cheat for me this coming Sunday. He issues a dictum - cardio on both Saturday and Sunday in preparation for it - and he also said that next week, it's back to BOOT CAMP. He will be sending me a meal plan and said that I'm expected to follow it to the letter, weighing and measuring every single bite. Okay - I was going to complain about that, but he also told me long ago that I need to be positive about it. So, I'm looking forward to it and I'm going to ROCK the cheat meal in preparation. And I know his boot camp is going to skyrocket me solidly into the 150s, so that's worth it right there.

Oh, and one last thing? I went to Ann Taylor to try on some overpriced clothes and brought size 10 and size 12 pants into the dressing room. SIZE 10, EVERYONE! Officially size 10 in EVERYTHING - oh, except shirts...in which I am a solid size 8! WOO HOO!

That's it for me! More tomorrow (or soon)!

Calling all Divas...calling all Divas...I need help!!

Shit. I'm not sure what is going on, but my head is completely messing with me. I'm so struggling, people. I have to be honest. I know it's hormones, partly. And I know it's also mental. I have been struggling to just keep the food clean, and I've been praying, doing mindful meditation, e-mailing/texting/calling Tony. Here's the problem:

I am in that frame of mind where I just want to be able to eat what I want. I want to be "normal."

But I'm not normal. And just like you can't make me able to handle the occasional glass of wine, you can't make me into one of those people who only eats a couple bites of cheesecake and then puts the rest back in the fridge only to remember it three weeks later and toss it because it's gotten to that questionable point. I'm the type of person who, if by some miraculous stroke of luck put that piece of cheesecake back after only eating a few bites and then came across it again three weeks later would definitely eat it, even if I had just eaten a huge dinner and had to scrape off a little green fuzz that had sprouted on the dollups of whipped cream on either side.

That doesn't change the facts, people. I'm bored with what I'm eating. I feel like I"m nearly killing myself at the gym and I'm still 20-30 pounds away from having anybody's killer Dreambody. Yes, I know I've made great strides, but just for today, this feels hard. Really, really hard. And I'm scared to say that I'm questioning whether I want to do it anymore. I would love to work out 4 times a week, rather than 6. I would love to work out for 45 minutes to an hour each time, rather than 90 minutes. Because I feel like if I'm working this hard, it should be instantaneous. If it's gonna take 6 months, then why don't I just do Weight Watchers or the old traditional Body for Life?

Anyway, I'm saying all this not because I have any intention of dropping Tony and Dreambodies. I know he's the best thing that's happened to this wanna-be-MILF since my husband and kids. I could use some encouragement, though. Some words of wisdom, some fire-stoking, if-you-hang-in-there, this-is-going-to-happen-to-you-because-this-is-what-happened-to-me - ness.

Thanks,

Lii

Down FIVE pounds already!!!

I can't believe it. I hopped on the scale this morning and was THRILLED to see 190.5!! I started this whole journey at 195.6, so that is a full FIVE POUNDS down the first week! I just have to stay the course.

Today was a difficult day, I'm not even going to lie. I woke up STARVING (and pretty much have stayed that way all day). I ate M1 at 6:30 am (egg whites w/veggies and oatmeal w/flax), then meal 2 at 10 am after a 3 mile run (whey protein w/glutamine – I added about five strawberries because I was really pooped and still had my workout to do), then worked out (an hour and a HALF – what up? I was DYING), then had the myoplex shake (M3) at about 12:45 pm. I was starving all day today! I ended up reheating the rest of the egg whites and veggies at about 2 pm (M4), but was hungry again an hour later. I just had a salad with grilled chicken and lite dressing (a little bit of shredded carrots and cabbage in the salad), and am nervous because by my count, that’s already meal 5 and it’s not even 4 pm!!!

The good news is that I'm still pushing myself, pushing myself, pushing myself. I ran three miles this morning (my girl that I run with was going close to a 6.0 mph pace - I had to walk twice), and then at the gym, I did a 3.5 mph warm up for 10 min, then did 2 sets of abs, then did 7 min on the elliptical at level 15, 115 strides/min, then a couple more sets of abs, then 5 min on the stepper at 35, then a couple more sets of abs, then did a full 20 min BFL cardio - 3.5, 4.5, 5.0, 5.5, because Tony had me doing a final 20 min of treadmill to complete the workout. I got on the gym floor at 10:30 and it was 12 on the dot when I finished. And I was DRENCHED.

No wonder I'm losing weight at this pace. I can SEE it. I can see my body changing and I can see my perspective about my body and my own beauty changing. When I look in the mirror, I already like what I see. Imagine how much I'm going to like it in a couple months, when I'm actually in a size I'm happy with, when I can wear little shirts that hang perfectly over my flat abs.

LIFE IS GOOD. And I am feeling this, y'all!!!

I still don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of this day with only one more meal, but oh, well...