The Weight is Over

Tomorrow is weigh in day. Two weeks ago, I stepped on the scale after a period of what I thought was super clean eating and consistent exercise only to find I had gained weight. The devastation and despair this caused led me to finally (I believe) surrender and begin to have faith, not just in Divine, but in my body and myself. I began to really hold myself accountable and think through each choice I was making, consciously deciding to only take action I could be proud of. At the end of my first week following my decision to surrender, I was thrilled to step on the scale and see nearly three pounds gone.

It's now the end of week 2 following my surrender and I can confidently say that I have not only stayed consistent in my healthy habits, I've also added a killer playlist to my workouts so they've all been intense - leaving me sweaty and quivering after only 20-30 minutes of exertion. My mindset has been great, too. I've been meditating several times a day, sometimes as many as four times in one day, including consistent visualization of the body that's coming. And, I've been using great language, because I really do believe that I'm on the other side of the precipice and I've leveled up and into this new version of myself I've been becoming for so very long.

And yet, a small, quiet, tentative voice in the back of my head whispers, "But what if it's still not working?"

You see, there were so many times that I swore I was doing everything right, eating all the right foods, taking all the right supplements, saying all the right words, and still that damned scale wouldn't move. I can look back now and see that I was eating out often (and who knows what the hell they are cooking with and how many calories it has) and my workouts were low intensity at best. My portions weren't controlled and there were many days when my calories were well above 2000 and even more days when I just didn't log at all. So was I really doing everything right?

That's not what my life is like now. Now, I'm actually holding myself accountable to Mal and letting her know every day exactly what I'm eating and how intensely I'm exercising. More than that, I'm listening to my body and giving her what she needs - nothing more, nothing less. I'm loving myself today. 

So if I get on that scale tomorrow and I haven't lost weight, I will know that my body is intelligent and that it is doing exactly what it needs to do to get me to where I want to eventually go, but it will be in Divine timing, not my timing. And Divine's way of doing things is always going to be equal to or better than mine.

I'll check in tomorrow, however briefly, to let you know how it goes.