Grateful for willingness

I continue to pray for willingness, and apparently my Higher Power has no limit to the grace He can offer me. Tonight, I went to a face-to-face Overeaters Anonymous meeting, and it was really wonderful. It gave me so much hope.

I have become willing to do Tony's Boot Camp, as I call it, where I do a liquid diet day, followed by a couple low-calorie days, followed by another liquid diet day. I didn't follow it perfectly today, but the fact that I made it to the gym and the fact that I pretty much stuck to the plan for today gives me hope that I can continue on, maybe even get a little better each day about sticking to the plan.

Anyway, I'm also grateful to have had a very productive day today. I got so much work done, and I spent the first few hours of the day taking my five-year old to CHOP to do her pre-op for next week's surgery. Still, I got good work done and lots of calls made that I needed to make.

Life is good, as long as you show up and do your part. I hope to have a reason to take some new photos in the next month or so. We are going to Florida in mid-September. I fully expect to be under 150 pounds by then. Let's go on and make it so. :)

Onward, soldiers....

So, it looks like I gained about five pounds on vacation. DAMMIT. I hate to have to admit that, but it's the truth and I need to just face it and move ON. I did do my hour of cardio, as Tony requested - ran 7.5 miles the first morning, biked 12 miles the second morning, then ran 5.5 miles the next couple of days and a slow 4 miles this morning. Where I went wrong is (a) I didn't drink enough water and (b) I didn't stick to the one cheat meal a day.

And now vacation is OVER and it's time to really get myself back in the mindset I was in before I left. Truth is, I want to get back in that mindset and figure out how to freakin' stay there. Not just because I want to get under 150 pounds and into size 8 jeans eventually (and someday have clear, glowing skin), but because I want to feel healthy and sane, proud of myself for the choices I make and how I fuel my body.


I will NOT beat myself up about this. Onward and forward. I will download my workout and get to the gym tomorrow (even though I'm EXHAUSTED from a 7 hour drive tonight) and I will plan my meals for tomorrow. Four liters tomorrow.

Looking forward to a vacation, and coming back feeling healthy!

I'm going on vacation tomorrow. Always a little bit of a scary proposition. Tony actually authorized me to have a cheat meal every day while I'm gone. Here's the kicker...I also have to start each day with an hour of high-intensity cardio, and this is in addition to the plyometric workouts he's sending me off with.

You know what? I'm looking forward to it. And it starts tomorrow. I'm going to get up early enough to head to the gym before we go. I really cannot wait to head out and on the road. The girls are really excited, and so am I. I just hope I don't forget anything.

So, what I can tell you though, is that it was a really good weekend. I was completely set up for a binge-fest - hubby had gigs yesterday and today (so I was a single mom of three little girls, which is one of the biggest triggers for me) and yesterday we were at a barbecue that was full of tempting foods and I was hungry. I made healthy choices all day, and was happy to see that I was down to 167 point something or other today. 22 pounds to go. *sigh*

Truth is, if I just stay the course, I will get there. Not sure when or how long it will take, but as long as I don't do anything that sets me up for a binge, I will get there. No more two steps forward, one step backward for me. Just one step in front of the other...slow, surefooted, and forward progressing.

And that means NO fantasizing about vacations and what I can or can't eat when I'm away. There will be a lot of wonderful things about being on vacation - uninterrupted time with the kids, sleeping late in the morning, napping in the afternoon, getting to more AA meetings, hanging out with my sister and her family. Yes, there are lots of wonderful things about being on vacation, but eating whatever the hell I want just won't be one of them. I fully intend to eat just as I have been. Hell, I may even lose a pound or two. :)

What's My Problem?

I'll tell you what my problem is. I'm a compulsive overeater. It's an eating disorder that is likened to alcoholism and is characterized by an obsessive/compulsive relationship with food. I have suffered from this since I was about 9 years old, although I have controlled the major symptoms (with varying degrees of success) with dieting and exercise. My obsessive thoughts about food have continued.

I have been attending online OA meetings since last August and the truth is that when I am in a state of surrendering to the fact that I have this issue and am following a plan that I have committed to a sponsor (often Tony's plan) and relying on my Higher Power for guidance and direction, I am fine. Not only does the weight start to come off, but I like what I see in the mirror and I generally feel positive and happy about life and optimistic about my future. As soon as I take my will back with food, I'm sunk. I start to feel desperate and uneasy, fearful and FAT.

A couple days ago, I was in Whole Foods getting a salad and I stopped by one of the tables that was offering taste tests of a new hummus. I wanted to bring hummus with us to Martha's Vineyard next week and I justified that one little bite wouldn't hurt. Well, it DID hurt, because it screwed up my abstinence. For most people a bite or two of hummus on a pita chip is no big deal, but for a compulsive overeater, to start thinking we can spontaneously decide what should go in our mouths is just like the alcoholic thinking what harm can a glass of champagne at a wedding do?

So, I wanted to expose this to all of my blog reader friends out there in the hopes that this nasty disease can't thrive in direct sunlight. I fully expect that this will help me get to the next phase of this Dreambody Journey, which is to love myself fully and unconditionally, from the inside out.

Bye Bye Bodyfat!

So, I went to the gym this morning and ROCKED it for two hours (45 minute run, followed by an hour and fifteen minutes, Tony-style). But before I got to all that, I had my trainer in the gym do my measurements and bodyfat. I was a little nervous because as you all know, I had a pretty serious setback when my daughter got sick. Okay, so I gained 6 pounds, an inch in my stomach and 2 inches in my hips. Buuttt...I lost 3 percent of my bodyfat! For the first time, I am measuring UNDER 30% bodyfat at the gym! YAY!

Just wanted to share the joy with you guys!

Still kickin' butt and takin names...

Even though today's workout was pretty lame. My thing is just to get there and do what I can, stay the course and keep my momentum going.

So, I'm still on track, clothes are fitting better, scale is moving ever so slightly, and most important, the crazies are down for the count. God willing, I will stay on track and not get lured off by some useless cheat. We go on vacation next week, and I am determined to stay abstinent the whole damn time!

Love ya,

Lii

Persistence, not perfection, is what leads to success...

I'm hesitant to proclaim that I'm back, but I am. It was a rough weekend (rough, but fun) - we went to a block party in West Philly where my husband's band was playing, and from there on to a kiddie party to which my eldest daughter was invited. Not only was there food everywhere, it's tough to be in a family where the only one committed to eating healthy is me. Temptation is everywhere, all the time. But just for today, I want this healthy lifestyle more than I want any junky mouthful. I do so wish my hubby would jump back on the bandwagon, but I need to do it, regardless of what he does.

So, I have been getting good workouts in (not today - I was exhausted and had so much to do), and my food has been really clean. I've even been weighing and measuring! I cannot wait to be below 165 again! We're getting ready to go off on vacation to Martha's Vineyard next week. I'm so glad to be feeling good about myself before I go. And it's not gonna be lay-on-the-beach hot, so I'm psyched to get lots of time running, biking, walking and at meetings. Yeah!

I'm also psyched because I have a little bitty project starting up. It's not much, but it's something, and I'll take it! I think it's actually the start of things turning for the better. I know it could take a while, but I really think I'm going to be crazy busy by the end of this year. I hope so! :)

OK, that's it for me. I'm off to bed. My advice to anyone reading is to just hang in there and keep going! I've been at this for 10 months and I'm not where I want to be, but I'm not where I was! Down 30 pounds and 20 more to go. I'll get there, and I can't WAIT to share it with you all when I do. And if someone were to ask me what was my secret? I'd say, it was that I never gave up.

Now, I need to get my ass off to bed because I promised someone I would get up and run with them at 5:30 tomorrow morning. Caramba! What was I thinking??