How I am

I don't know what to say, really, but I feel like I need to let you guys know where my head is.

First, my body is totally sore from yesterday's workout. As a result, I had absolutely no energy for today's workout, sad to say. And, I dropped my bike off to get tuned up yesterday so no biking for me, either.

Food was fairly on, especially considering I had the three little ones to myself today, which is usually a huge trigger. I'm really hopeful that I'll see the 160s again tomorrow.

It's been awhile since I put my goals on "paper," maybe that would be a good thing to do now. Yeah, they're all weight goals. I don't have the mental energy to do anything more than that tonight. Give me a break.

1. Under 170 by June 1
2. Under 165 by July 1
3. Under 160 by August 1
4. Under 155 by Labor Day
5. Under 150 by October 9
6. Under 145 by Thanksgiving (goal)

Life is good and getting better!

What a beautiful day we had today.

Hubby and I were aligned in our desire to spend the day together as a family, which was so nice. Doesn't always happen - we often do a date night and then spend time individually with the kids but are sort of two ships passing in the night here in the house. Well, today we wanted to do something all together. We didn't even spend any money!

First, I decided to take the day off from working out. (I hadn't had a day off in over a week.) We took the girls to feed the ducks - the weather was beautiful - and then out to lunch. Then, we all went to Target to buy some bike helmets and other accessories (ooh...maybe I'll go for a nice long bike ride tomorrow) and then came home to do some biking outside. I laid down with the baby and got an hour nap, and then got up and hung with the family for awhile before having my yummy dinner of stuffed mushrooms and green beans while they all had pizza. Then, I had my newest favorite dessert - cottage cheese w/sugar-free, fat-free chocolate pudding, aka chocolate mousse, while finishing up some work for my brother.

Tomorrow, I hope to get details about a new work project. Thank GOODNESS! Pray for me, that it will come through and will be the bridge back to continuous work and income!!!

Hope everyone had a great Memorial Day. Can't wait to hit the gym tomorrow!!!

Love, Liimu

I'm psyched! I'm happy! I'm BACK!!!

OK, my skin is still outrageously horrible and I was only comfortable in my size 12 shorts today, but I am SOOOO happy tonight. SOOOO happy! Why? Because I went to the Memorial Day cookout, and I stayed abstinent! I'm BACK, baby! I had shrimp and chicken kebobs, less than a 1/2 cup of brown rice, some tortilla chips and real salsa and maybe a handful of popcorn. It was all worth it. I brought a cake to thank my friends for being such great neighbors during the crisis of the past few weeks, and I even CUT it, and didn't have a single slice. Yay, me!

Oh, you know what else happened today? I went to the gym this morning, despite the fact that I woke up feeling like maybe I was due for a day off. (I haven't really had a day off since last Sunday.) I got to the gym and started off with a lame 10 minutes on the elliptical, then was going to do legs. I got back to where the olympic bar squat machine was and hubby was on it. I sat next to him and was just SO tired. He had one set left to do, but didn't even get halfway through before I got up and was like, ah forget it. I was truly going to go to the learning center and sit with the kids until hubby was done. Then, I realized I was going backward (like Tina says - away from my goals...) and so I remembered that my triathlon training was to run for 45 minutes. I figured I'd just get on the treadmill and see what happened. I ran the first mile at 5.0 (I always know that it takes at least a mile or so to get going, and once I'm a mile into it, I"m usually good.) I ran the second mile at 5.5. I ran the third mile and a quarter at 6.0, and then ran the rest at 6.5. (Actually, I pushed it the last two minutes, running 30 seconds at 7 mph, then 30 seconds at 7.5 mph, then a minute at 8 mph). All in all, I ended up running 4.25 miles in the 45 minutes. Yay, me!

Oh, and the last thing I'm psyched about? I got an email about WORK! I might actually have a project starting up soon. Finally! Things are shifting and changing and I am SO psyched!

Hey, in case you were wondering, here are my goals.I like to say them. It feels good to say them.

Under 170 by June 1 (currently 172.6)
Under 160 by July 4
Under 150 by Labor Day

Yay!!!

I need a brain transplant...

I am not really liking the thoughts that have been running through my head tonight. Hopefully, it will help for me to dump some of them here.

I am SOOOO sick of feeling HUGE and bloated. I biked 13 miles today with a friend, went to the gym and did Tony's workout and I ate clean all day. Okay, okay, okay. I'm a little insane. It's only one day, really, because Tony authorized a cheat yesterday for my birthday. It feels like I gained the weight back overnight (even though I didn't). Why won't it come off overnight? Yeah, it sounds really crazy.

The other thing that's really hard is that I live with three little girls who don't have to eat like bodybuilders and a husband who really doesn't feel like it. Tonight, he's got cookies and a muffin just waiting for him to devour after the girls go to bed.

What am I gonna do after the girls go to bed? Well, not weigh myself again (I was 177.5 tonight - WTF is up with that?). I'm gonna spend some time looking up new motivation pics and send my cardio for the week to Tony, like he asked me to. Plan my food for the week and my workouts. And set up my reward schedule for how I plan to lose the weight:

Under 170 by June 1
Under 160 by July 1
Under 150 by Labor Day

Happy birthday to MEEEEE!

And you know what gift I gave MYSELF? I followed Tony's advice ALL DAY LONG.

This morning, I started my day with a three-mile run with my dear friend, Francie. Then, I went home and had a yummy clean breakfast, and then off to the gym for a great workout, Tony style. My sister took me out to lunch and no matter how bad I wanted to go crazy in honor of my birthday, I had a yummy salad. And, my babysitter was available all day, so I had her come at 4 so Glen and I could play tennis for an hour. Then, we went to Buddakan and I had yummy sea bass! Oh, I feel so great.

39 is the new 24!

Shh....the Beast is sleeping...

Well, it's 12 noon and aside from a couple snarls, grunts and groans, the Beast within me has been quiet all day. One day at a time, I'm going to do what I can to let It sleep.

I have a reasonable, achievable food plan for today, and I have had two meals - both abstinent (and both yummy). I went to Whole Foods (and resisted all the "organic" temptation). Tony has authorized a cheat meal in honor of my birthday and I fully intend to stick close to him and do whatever he tells me to do. He sent me such a sweet email yesterday when I was freaking out about how all-over-the-place my food has been. I swear, that guy believes in me even when I don't believe in myself.

Also, today was the second day I made it ALL the way through my Tony workout. YAY me! Oh, I'm back on track, all right. On target to meet all my goals.

So, as long as the Beast within stays asleep, I'll be okay. And every time it peeks its head up to see if it can take back over my thinking, encouraging me to throw caution to the wind and eat whatever is placed in front of me I'll simply tell it to shush now, be quiet, go back to sleep. Everything's okay out here. You're presence isn't really required right now. Good night, little Beast. Mama's got a plan.

Getting back ...slowly but surely

Man, if and when I get back on track, someone please remind me to just stay there!!

Slowly but surely, I'm getting back on track. I've been drinking my ACV water faithfully - today I drank over 3 liters of the stuff. My workout today was AWESOME!!! I finally did a full Tony workout. Couldn't really push it as hard as I used to, but I was SOOOO happy to get through the whole thing.

Food? Still a friggin' mess. It's all fairly benign - no refined sugar or flour...yay! - but it's totally wackadoo! The thing I can say about myself is that I am a scrappy little fighter. I do NOT give up without a serious fight. And I am a far, far cry from giving up any time soon.

I WILL be under 150 lbs by Labor Day. Watch it happen.

My latest restart

I once saw a saying on a Weight Watchers poster that said, "Success is a result of persistence and patience, not perfection."

This past couple of weeks has been incredibly difficult, and incredibly eye-opening. I have a real problem with compulsive overeating, and our recent crisis with our daughter coming down with Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever (and as a result, meningitis and encephalitis) was a perfect excuse to slide right back into a full-blown relapse. (Ten days of nonstop family didn't actually help my case, bless their little hearts.)

So, I'm restarting with a vengeance. Planning my food each day (between 1400 and 1500 calories) and hitting the Tony workouts hard like before. 3-4 liters of ACV water. Visualization, podcasts.

Here are my goals:

Under 165 by June 1
Under 160 by July 1
Under 155 by August 1
Under 150 by Labor Day

Totally do-able. Let's get it started!!!!!!

Worse than I'd feared....

Man, I hate how my body works sometimes. It takes me 4 months to get from 173 to 161, and 2 weeks to get back up to 173 again. Unbelievable. Now, I know most of this is water weight and I will be back under 165 in no time, but I have to treat it as if it's really happening, or I will lull myself into a false sense of confidence and end up back in the 190s before I even see it coming.

Most important, my daughter is back home and doing well. She is a real fighter (like her mom) and is back to normal functioning, almost as good as before she got sick. She's getting herself in and out of bed, up and down off the potty, up and downstairs. She is truly amazing. I'm so grateful to God for her complete recovery.

I've followed Melissa's lead and begun downloading podcasts. I think I probably need to do some stats - measurements, photos, that type of thing. Really renew my fire about claiming my dreambody. Fortunately, there is still time for me to get back down in the low 160s before the full onset of summer. I WILL look good in a bikini this summer, dammit.

Where I've Been

As those of you know who frequent Melissa's blog, my daughter, Amelia was hospitalized for Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, a rare, tick-borne illness that caused her to have an extended high fever, rash, edema, enlarged liver and spleen, headaches and general lethargy. This infection led to meningitis and encephalitis that caused loss in brain function and gross motorskills that we were worried might be long-term or, God forbid, permanent. This is why it is SO miraculous that she is back to eating pizza, watching movies, giggling and playing Uno only a couple days later.

It's nearly impossible to believe and maybe we are foolish to hope it could actually happen, but the doctors are saying she may actually GO HOME TOMORROW! We are hoping to have a welcome home party for her, so if you are in the neighborhood and would like to stop by, give us a call. (Probably a short party - maybe just until 7 or so.) Pizza and cake, the usual fare. Anyway, it's not confirmed but if the prayers continue to work as well as they have been and if she continues to be as determined to get better and out of here as SHE has been, I think it may actually happen.

All her vital signs are excellent - medically, they say she is looking great. Fever is down, bloodwork looks good, blood pressure and oxygenation, all completely within normal limits. Her swelling is almost completely down and she's back to using the potty like a normal little girl. Her mental state is also good - she's giggling and chatting with us, even watching movies and playing games, coloring and enjoying ice cream and pizza. Our only challenge is to get her out of bed and walking around, though my opinion to the doctors is that getting home and with her sisters, who will be bouncing around and playing inside and outside on the swingset will only incentivize her to improve more quickly. No offense to the brilliant CHoP staff, but Amelia is not particularly motivated to please them after all the poking and prodding they've put her through over the last few days.

Again, thanks to everyone for your loving prayers and support. God willing, my next update will be that we are HOME!

I'm not really working out or even eating particularly clean right now, but don't you worry. I'll be back on top of my game soon enough. Right now, my only priority is making sure this little girl gets out of here and back to baseline as soon as possible. After that, we'll worry about getting me back to baseline. :)

I did it!!

Ran 10 miles in 1 hour, 46 minutes. I am sore and tired, but so proud of myself!!! Then, I came home and had a myoplex shake with glutamine, followed by a healthy breakfast (which I could not finish). I'm off to get what I need to have a wonderful, clean dinner.

I'm so happy to still be focused on clean eating. It used to be that running a long-distance run would be an excuse to binge all day. That's why I ran the marathon at 168 pounds. I fully intend to see the 150s next Friday when I weigh in!

Life is a miracle, if you show up and live it!

Close call....

Boy, I wish I could remember how difficult it was for me to go to parties and such when I was newly sober. I was so vigilant, so on my guard. I made sure if I had to go, I prepared myself before and after and preferably took someone with me who was also in recovery.

So, why do I think it's any different when I'm trying to clean up my eating? It's NOT. I went to a Cinco de Mayo party and I should have just followed my first instinct, which was to just not eat anything there. I'm better off just eating what I've planned and what I have in my house. I had done okay up till that point, even made my special grilled flounder for lunch so I wasn't starving. What screwed me up was when I got a plate for my daughter and it was right in my face - the bowtie pasta, the yellow rice, the corn muffin. Ah, lovely carbs ... my old frenemy.

Before I knew what was happening, I was shoveling rice/corn muffin crumbs into my face. Then, I had my own corn muffin. Then, I had a dozen tortilla chips with a tablespoon of guacamole. Then, my mind was racing...I could go to Whole Foods and get a big vegan brownie (I'm running 10 miles tomorrow, after all...)... I could have a bowl of cereal with chocolate soy milk (did I mention I'm running 10 miles tomorrow?) ...maybe I should have some spaghetti (since I am, after all...well, you know the rest.).

I am SO proud of myself for what happened next. I picked up my Blackberry and sent an e-mail to my OA sponsor, letting her know exactly what was going on. And then, I made myself a cup of tea and sent my sister the recipe for chocolate lava cake, like I promised her I would. Then, I put my kids to bed and had a protein shake.

Tomorrow, I will run 10 miles. I will have the same pre-race breakfast I have had before every distance run, including the marathon (a toasted cinnamon-raisin bagel with peanut butter) and will make myself a hearty, but fairly clean breakfast afterward. Then, a couple hours later, I will have a protein shake, then a couple hours after that, a clean dinner.

And that, my friends, is how you run ten miles, Tony-style.

Today's weigh in!!

Today was weigh in and I'm thrilled to say I lost all the weight I gained over Easter, PLUS a couple extra pounds! I am now less than a pound and a half away from the 150s! WOO HOO!

So, this was a good week. A really, really good week. I ate clean, despite stress and aggravation and I felt lean and strong ALL week long.

This weekend will be an EXCELLENT weekend. I'm running the 10-mile Broad Street Run, a tradition I have been following since 2005. I'm very much looking forward to it, and trying not to look forward to my breakfast before and after more than the thrilling feeling of running across that finish line at the end. :)

I made my plans for our one summer vacation, which I am now even MORE psyched for. We will be going to Martha's Vineyard for the first week of June. I fully intend to be honing in on 150 by that time, maybe even there already. YEAH, baby.

I'll post my results on Sunday after the race.