Distance Running and Weight Loss

First, let me apologize for getting your hopes up if you ended up at my blog after googling "distance running and weight loss." Truth is, my experience has been that distance running alone does not lead to weight loss. It leads to increased hunger and a false sense of security, which if I'm not careful, results in weight gain rather than loss.

My connection between distance running and weight loss has more to do with how similar the journeys are. I was running 8 miles this past Sunday, admiring the beautiful trail, adorned with trees of the many colors of the changing leaves, the sounds of the Wissahickon as it babbled alongside me as I ran. I had a momentary tug to try to run faster, get a better overall time, which I quickly dismissed. I have learned over the years of distance running that if I run a pace that's too fast for me I will quickly get discouraged and either need to stop or at best, feel like I'm struggling through the entire run. If I get the pace right, I feel like I could run forever. And at the end of the run, I have the same sense of satisfaction from having completed the run. Moreover, I often find that my pace is almost exactly the same as it would have been if I'd pushed it harder.

I realized as I jogged along that my weight loss journey is very much the same. If I go at too fast a pace (3-4 pounds a week), I have an unrealistic expectation that I should be able to maintain that pace and then when I can't I get discouraged and stop. The whole point is to finish the journey - to get to my goal weight - and I'll get there faster overall if I just pick a reasonable pace that I can sustain and just keep going no matter what. Pick it up when I hit a downhill slope (maybe when I'm feeling high energy and there are no holidays or birthday parties to deal with) and hunker down and really focus when I'm facing an uphill climb (like this next couple of months).

Anyway, it's really helping me to feel good about my 1-2 pound a week weight loss. In fact, the more reasonable the pace of my weight loss, the more encouraged I become because I know it means I'm doing things in a healthy way that's sustainable for the long haul. I know that I will get there if I just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

No More Facebook...

I was working out with my sister and she told me that one of her friends had seen on Facebook that I was "struggling with my weight." I am a firm believer in the law of attraction and so have decided to things as a result of this new information being brought to my attention:

1) I'm not gonna link my blog to Facebook anymore, since people can take one or two posts out of context and come to conclusions that may not support my overall goal of manifesting my fabulous body (shown right).

2) I'm going to spend more, if not all, of my time on here talking about where I want to be and the parts of where I am that I'm happy about, rather than lamenting the parts of my current situation that frustrate me.

Last weekend was a sugary blur and I'm not going to lie - I LOVED it. I had tons of fun with the girls at Giggleberry Fair in Peddler's Village, at the Cape May Zoo, in Wildwood, and just hanging out at home playing Monopoly. That being said, I didn't feel physically as good as I do when I'm eating healthy so I'm glad to be back to eating healthy.

Onward, healthy soldiers!!

Running in the Rain

It's raining. I have a six-mile run on my training plan for today and it's raining. Not only is it raining, the trail where I love to do my long runs is bound to be muddy and gross. But I will run it.

There's no guarantee that race day will be sunny and dry, so that is reason enough to get my fanny out there and run. But even more than that, I have learned to stay my course regardless of whether the sun shines or the rain pours down. When I ran the Philadelphia Marathon in 2005, I trained in the cold, the wet, the sunny, even the dark if I had to in order to get my training runs in. As a result, when race day brought sun and unseasonably warm weather for a November morning, I was more than prepared and ran a strong 5:25, stopping only once to pee.

My weight loss journey is much like training for a marathon. No matter what, I will stay the course. Having a positive attitude and strong faith through will only make it easier to make healthy choices on the days when I wake up on the right side of the bed and will keep me committed on the days when I don't.

I just have to keep going, keep running, keep moving forward... rain or shine.

Great Expectations

The positive side of having lost a ton of weight before (a time or two) is that I know I can do it, I know how to do it, and I can hold on to that knowledge and it can fuel me to keep going because if I just have faith, I will get to my goal. I've done it before, after all. The not-so-positive side is that it leaves me with expectations - expectations of how fast the weight should come off, what I should be able to do physically, what I should be able to get away with, etc. Then, when those expectations are not met, I start to get frustrated or even lose faith.

I have mentioned before that I really need to put my scale away. With these expectations weighing down on me, I cannot afford to be monitoring the daily ups and downs that likely have more to do with water retention and hormonal swings than any actual effort on my part. And truthfully, when I am monitoring only things like my energy level and how my clothes are fitting, I am pretty pleased.

So, my commitment for the coming week has less to do with how intense my workouts are and how much I'm eating and everything to do with staying positive and keeping my expectations reasonable.

Six mile run tomorrow - time to turn it in!!

Week 2 - Navigating Rocky Terrain

Week 2 begins with obstacles. Sunday was great – I ran my five miles, albeit slowly, and ate about 95% clean the entire day, despite the fact that it was my daughter’s birthday and it is a tradition in our house to start with donuts and end with cake. (I put a donut in the freezer, because I WILL eat what I want while on this diet, I just won’t eat it very often.)

Then on Monday, I had a scheduled meeting about two hours from my house that began at 10:30 am. I figured I would just find time in the afternoon to work out. How frustrated was I, then, when upon exiting, I discovered that security had lost my license? They asked me to check again in my wallet and with slight annoyance, I did and told them it was not there. Two hours later, my colleage said he would continue to work on it and I should go home. Exhausted and frustrated, I went right to Old Navy to buy a new pair of jeans (size 16 – finally!) rather than to the gym. When I got there, I figured I should re-sign the back of my credit card since I wouldn’t have my license to use as ID. There, staring up at me from within my wallet I was mortified to find…my license. Thank goodness I wasn’t bitchy to the security guard.

Today, I had a meeting that I was told started at 8 am, an hour from my house, so I was on the road at 7. Again, no time to work out, and I won’t get home until 6 pm. Apparently, that was a soft start because several people arrived between 8:30 and 9 and we didn’t actually start till 9:15. I suppose I can get up early tomorrow and workout. Definitely Thursday and Friday, for sure.

I am very pleased to say that I have done two things very, very well this week.

(1) I have brought food with me both days so my food has been crazy clean.
(2) I have kept up with my water – I am currently on liter #3 today, and yesterday I have about 3.5 liters.

The other thing I’ve been doing very, very well is that I’ve been listening to meditations that support this process. My goal is to keep my attitude, thoughts and words all very positive. It helped to find that I was a solid size 16 yesterday, down from a size 20 after the baby was born. I am doing a 12-week weight loss challenge on Facebook and my hope is that I will be a solid size 14 by the time it is over in early December, with even some size 12s fitting here and there.
The family is fairly supportive. The girls constantly tell me how beautiful I am, which certainly feeds my desire to think positively. I think it’s also a really good example for them, especially because I refuse to say I’m on a diet. On my daughter’s birthday, I said, “I’m just taking a break from junk food for awhile so that I can get back to the size I was before Max was born. I’ll be able to have snacks here and there, but I don’t have to have them right now. I’ll definitely have a piece of cake on Max’s birthday.” (That’s in March of 2012.) My husband continues to eat the way he wants (he had red velvet cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory on Saturday night. God was good to me – they were out of Linda’s Fudge Cake, which is what the birthday girl wanted). Last night, however, he had a turkey burger and opted to forego the bun. Not from anything I said, but I like to think that maybe he’s following my lead.

Here’s the thing. I have had people suggest in the past that I clean my house of all junk food, both to make it easier on me and to encourage my kids to not eat junk, ever. Personally, I don’t think that’s realistic. Junk is everywhere. It just is. I would like my kids to feel like they can have it from time to time and still be healthy, active and overall in good shape. I also don’t want to be sheltering them from it – I want them to know how to have it in moderation, how to increase their activity to counterbalance it, or how to have it one day and not the next. It seems to be working.

The girls have an account in their cafeteria and the first year they were there, I randomly monitored it and found that not only were they abusing it – ordering chips, rice krispie treats, ice cream every day, even an extra lunch one day that was eaten in favor of the one we had sent with them to school, which was deposited in the trash! We had a sit down and a conversation about it and I explained to them the importance of eating healthy and said that if they needed more snacks, I’d be happy to pack something. They said that would be good and I did pack them each two snacks every day – one healthy, one not as healthy (e.g., string cheese and a bag of baked Doritos).

Last week, I got a notice from the school that their accounts were low. I thought they had high balances at the end of last year, so I got worried. When I went in to check, how thrilled was I to find that all they’d been ordering was milk to go with the lunches we’d sent them? My honest opinion is that they are making healthy choices because they are armed with the right information and given the freedom to make choices. Plus, they are not forbidden anything, they are just encouraged to make good ones. So heartwarming to see.

So, I will just keep being the best possible example to them for how to make healthy choices with regard to eating right and exercising, not to mention staying positive. Esther Hicks/Abraham says to be appreciative of what is happening now and eagerly anticipate what’s yet to come. Learning the lesson of not speaking negatively about myself even before I lose this 40-50 pounds is so important. I do not want to teach my girls to be self-critical. I want to teach them to love themselves and always seek to be the best selves they can be. I intend to do the same!

Scale Madness

So, it looks like I'm going to have to go cold turkey off my scale. I have to ask my husband to hide it in order not to be tempted to weigh every day. Sad, but true. And I guess it could be worse - I could be unable to stop stuffing my face with sugary nonsense. Truthfully, I've done a pretty good job staying away from the sweet stuff - especially considering this was my daughter's birthday weekend - and I'm figuring that's probably more important in the long run when it comes to shaving off poundage.

That being said, this past weekend I definitely found myself facing the scale demon again. Food was squeaky clean, workouts were kick a**. Then, I snuck a peek at the scale on Friday and I was only down a pound. This is after five days in a row of squeaky clean eating and thousand calorie burn workouts that left me literally drenched in sweat. I ran the two miles I was scheduled to run yesterday morning and food was clean all day - I even packed a salad for my three hour afternoon gig. Had a protein smoothie after my workout, then the egg whites and oatmeal, then salad with an egg and salmon.

Then, the family wanted to eat dinner from the dreaded Cheesecake Ffactory. I ordered the Skinnylicious chicken lettuce wraps, which I had had the previous week at a business lunch. I had found them really light and yummy and I was proud of myself for ordering off the skinnylicious menu even though I knew it was a slightly smaller portion than the appetizer portion and I was starving (and had barely eaten all day). Anyway, when it arrived I realized the chef had decided to put some weird peanut sauce on it, so I tried to eat around it but could only eat two of the three. I was starving so I had about a quarter of my sister in law's burrito. That woke the dragon - he was still drowsy, but definitely sniffing around. I had a bite of my daughter's miniburger and about five fries, then a bite of my husband's cheesecake and some frozen grapes. I reined myself back in finally, opting for a true final meal of a pure protein bar and some green tea.

What the hell? Could this really have all been triggered by my stepping on the scale? Possibly. All I know is I really want to do things differently this time, so I confessed it all to my online trainer and got my ass up to run five miles this morning. Food was clean for the most part today and I had neither the birthday donuts that are a traditional breakfast in this house on someone's birthday nor any of the ice cream cake with which the rest of the family finished off the evening.

Monday's coming. Back to the grind. Tomorrow I will post the official week 1 weight. Till then, good night everyone!

It Hurts...Oh, It Hurts...

Or at least I do.

Every inch of me is sore, down to my hair follicles. My quads scream out almost audibly when I go up and down stairs. My shoulders are permanently slouched because the weight of holding them up is more than I can bear. I think my eye muscles are even strained. Or, maybe that's from all the blogging.

Anyway, I asked my trainer what he wants to see as a weight loss goal and I was happy to see that he is looking for 2 pounds, would be thrilled with 3. I think I lost six pounds the first week when I trained with him before, so I was really bummed when I snuck a peek at the scale and it looked like I had only lost a pound. I'll probably give him that two-pound loss but probably not a whole lot more.

The bigger question is, how do I sustain this level of exercising and eating clean as life continues to hit me from all angles? This weekend, my sister in law is coming down and we are officially celebrating my daughter's 9th birthday. She wants to go bowling on Saturday night and wants an ice cream cake (yay - not at all a fan of ice cream cakes, me), and then Sunday she wants me to take her to the mall for some shopping and an Auntie Anne pretzel (not yay - I am a fan of Auntie Anne). I've already decided that she can ask for whatever she wants - my new and improved lifestyle is not going to impact her, if I can help it. However, that does bring me to my...

Recreating My Body - Tip #1:

If you are trying to lose weight, indulge in EVERYTHING. Just don't indulge in it all the time. Here's what I mean - if my daughter had opted for the Genuardi's chocolate cake with the white icing, I would have seriously wanted a piece. My plan in that scenario was to cut off a hunk of it and put it right in the freezer for my dedicated cheat day. Whether or not I ended up having it on that day is not the point. Just the act of cutting the cake and putting it in the freezer would quiet the little kid inside that would be screaming, "WHY can't I have some? WHY? WHY? WHYYYY?" My response: "Oh, you can TOTALLY have some, sweetie. Just not today."

So, there you go. I know it's working. People are already commenting on how toned I look. I'm just looking forward to they day someone says, "You're not on a diet, are you? Because you're already so thin and fit!" And my response will be (say it with me now):

"No, I'm not on a diet. I'm on a MISSION."

Are You On a Diet?

Someone asked me that question this past Sunday, and my answer was a solid and resounding "NO." Now, it just so happened that I hadn't actually started my Dreambodies journey - yesterday was Day 1, as you know. But to be honest, even if I had been asked the question after I started, my answer would have been the same.

I don't believe in dieting. We've all read the magazine articles that talk about the fact that diets don't work, and I believe that to be true. It doesn't work to go "on" a diet, because that presupposes that eventually you will go "off" the diet. In my case, my period of being "off" a diet more than counterbalance any of my good dieting efforts.

All that being said, though, my reason for being so convicted about not being on a diet when my friend asked me had less to do with the efficacy of diets and everything to do with the Law of Attraction. The fact is, I am done with perceiving myself (and being perceived) as someone who has to diet in order to have a great body, beautiful skin, and tons of energy.

So, I am not on a diet. I am on...

A MISSION.

I am stoked to be on Dreambodies, because I basically get my marching orders - daily meal plan, workout, etc - and then I don't think about it anymore. If I feel myself weakening, I send an e-mail to my trainer and he e-mails me right back with an answer to my question, words of encouragement or a virtual kick in the pants.

• I am on a mission to become a leaner, stronger version of myself, better even than before I got pregnant.


• I am on a mission to show my daughters that motherhood, aging, and fierce beauty don't have to be mutually exclusive.


• I am on a mission to reclaim the inner vixen, inner goddess, inner Betty Boop that I have carried with me all these years but only in small spurts have been released to the outside world.


• I am on a mission to follow through on my commitment to myself, my health and my children's desire to have me around for a long time.

I am on a mission. Feel free to come along for the ride. :)

Day 1...PM check in...I MADE IT!

Phew! I made it to the end of the day! And guess what? I did GREAT! I can totally do this. I can!

Food was clean. In addition to what I posted before, I had a turkey burger (no bun, no cheese), steamed cauliflower and broccoli, followed by protein pudding (yuuummm....).

I had four liters of water today, plus green tea I'm having now with a bit of soy creamer.

It helped that we had our parent meeting for the girls' youth choir. I think the ridiculous number of activities they have is actually going to be great for my diet. Here's our schedule:

Monday night, Devon and Amelia swim team 5:45 - 6:45
Tuesday night, Devon and Amelia, swim team 5:45 - 6:45, Autumn, soccer practice, 6 - 7
Wednesday night, Devon and Amelia, choir practice 4:30 - 5:45
Thursday night, Devon and Amelia, swim team 5:45 - 6:45, Autumn, soccer practice, 6 - 7
Friday...relax. Ahh...

Anyhoo, we're also going to fit band practice in there somewhere, because we have a gig at White Pines Estate and we intend to have the whole band for that. If you're in the Elkins Park area on November 8, come through!

I guess that's it for now. I'm gonna read my kindle and then listen to my guided meditation MP3s so that my mind is right for tomorrow's FOUR-PAGE ABS workout. Yikes. Doesn't the guy know I just had a baby six months ago? Hello...NO core. I'll do my best.

Day 1...afternoon check in

So, I'm about halfway through day 1. A good day so far.

I went to the gym after dropping off the kids and did the FOUR-PAGE workout Tony assigned to me, without any shortcuts. Looked like this:

10 min run at 4.5 mph
Two sets reverse crunch, 45 reps each (was supposed to be four, WTF??) and two 20-second planks
Two sets regular crunch, 25 reps each
Arnold shoulder presses, FIVE sets
Side raises, two sets
Two min interval run (alternating 3 mph, 8 mph)
Chest press, 3 sets
Overhand row, 3 sets
Two min interval run
Behind the head extensions, 3 sets
Bicep curls, 3 sets
Biceps 21s, 2 sets
Two min interval run
Squats, 3 sets
Step ups with barbell, 2 sets
4 min interval run (interrupted by pee-soaked diaper emergency)
10 min elliptical

Ugh. I'm so sore. My knee was hurting throughout the workout so we are going to try to just use the elliptical until I get through the pain (well, until the glucosamine kicks in...I'm finally taking it faithfully again).

OK, fast-forward to 2:30. Now. I've had one workout shake with glutamine, egg whites with veggies and oatmeal with sugar-free syrup and that's it. I'm afraid to eat anything else because now I'm at the time of day when I start craving carbs, chocolate, sugar, etc., and I don't know what to eat to satisfy that craving. Ok, truthfully, I'm not supposed to satisfy that craving.

I'm gonna make some ... um...I don't know what to make!! Urgh. I need to grill up the chicken or something. Maybe I'll just make a whey protein shake and then have lemon chicken for dinner tonight. That seems like a good, solid plan.

I'll check in tonight to let you kguys know that it went ok....no, that it went GREAT.

The Journey Begins Again...

Well, my Facebook weight loss challenge starts tomorrow and my online trainer is also going to officially have me on board and starting his crazy workouts, not to mention the fact that I’m in the midst of my half-marathon training for the Philadelphia half-marathon in November. As such, I had to get myself out to the trail this morning for a four-mile run, despite the fact that my husband, who ran it yesterday, said it was a bit of a mess. This trail has been somewhat of a sanctuary for me for sometime now. In 2005, I ran my first marathon and did all my training runs there, running without music, meditating on various parts of my life for often four or five hours at a time. When I had my third child and got to the point of my pregnancy where I could no longer run, I missed the trail like an old friend. In fact, one of the first places I went to after getting out of the hospital was Valley Green.

So, I felt a little bit violated on its behalf when I saw the downed trees and gauged out roadway, all the various damage from Hurricane Irene having had her way with my trail. A little less than halfway through this morning’s run, I came upon a 50-yard length of trail that was covered in huge boulders and rocks (see photo). As I slowed to a cautious walk, I realized the lesson this new trail had to teach me. Despite how attached we are to the things we love and the way we love to do things, all things are subject to change. The only thing we have control over is whether or not we embrace the change.

In that moment of epiphany, I decided to enjoy the walk break and the change in muscle groups that were being used. I hopped right back into my run after I cleared the rocks, and I sloshed through mud and waded through branches on the other side, being overcome by seas of cross country high school boys, I giggled to myself at my ability to stay the course. This was no longer just a run, it had become an adventure. This was also a perfect analogy to my life. I could either buckle under the pressure of the rocky times, or I could enjoy the change of pace and look forward to the smoother roads ahead.

This weight-loss journey I am about to embark on will be a challenging one, different from ones I have faced in the past but equally surmountable. I look forward to sharing it with you.

The Law of Attraction and Weight Loss

The scale doesn't show the numbers I want to see, but I am still just as confident as ever. I am now up to running nearly 3.5 miles at a time and am running at a steady 5.0 mph pace. I am SO happy with that because I know I will be ready for the half-marathon in November.

I have really made some significant progress since I last posted. My body has definitely toned up and I have lost 15 pounds since the beginning of June. I still have 40 pounds to go, but I know the Universe is going to suck that off of me with the quickness. One reason I know this to be true is that I have experience with affirmation prayers of abundance working WELL and now all I have to do is come up with an equally powerful prayer around my weight loss.

The abundance is prayer is amazing. Since I have been saying it consistently, I have been seeing contracts that were already for a good amount of money get DOUBLED by the client, have seen checks come in weeks early that were for thousands more than I expected them to be, have seen small projects pop up out of nowhere for work I've already completed. It's amazing - like magic.

I have a friend who is skilled in the Law of Attraction and she swears that since she figured out how to apply the Law of Attraction principles to her weight loss, she now has the figure of a Victoria's Secret model. She says what she does is to put on the best music she can think of (for me, that's currently "Moves Like Jagger" by Maroon 5), gets all into an uber happy state of mind and then and ONLY then, she envisions herself at her perfect weight.

I know for a fact that I have been disallowing my ideal body to manifest by making the mistake of thinking and talking about weight loss from a negative mindset. Only starting today, I have started getting really excited about the fact that I KNOW the Law of Attraction works, so it absolutely has to work in this area if I am diligent about keeping my thoughts and words positive.

I know how it feels to be in really good shape. I know how it feels to be eating healthy and exercising, to look in the mirror and like what I see. I know that's right around the corner. I'm just going to focus on how good it's going to feel when I get there. I have seen it work with regard to manifesting abundance. Now it's time to see it in action with regard to achieving my ideal body. Oh, and case you're wondering, it looks like THIS:

I'm RUNNING!

Okay, so I only ran 2 minutes at a time, but the fact is...I'm RUNNING! I am so confident that I'm going to finally start seeing this next 25 pounds come OFF now that I'm working out the way I like to. I ran/walked for 50 minutes today and was sweaty and red-faced at the end. It felt GREAT!

I have decided that I am going to really use the Law of Attraction to achieve vibrant health and the body of my dreams. I've done it before, I can do it again. I've used the LoA to build an amazingly successful business in what's touted as one of the worst economic situations we've faced in many years. Not for me! :) The Law of Attraction works - if you believe it, you can achieve it. I've struggled not with my weight, but with my belief in myself in this area. NO MORE. I know I am beautiful. I know I am strong. I know what is healthy for my body and that I have the strength to make healthy choices.

Watch me transform before your eyes!!! I will even include progress pics. How's THAT for confident. I intend to get back down to my pre-pregnancy weight by the end of this year and YOU can join me on the journey!

Tonight's dinner was quesadillas with chicken, organic cheddar cheese, fat-free refried beans, homemade guacamole and salsa. YUM! My daughter said I am the best cook in the world. Tee hee! I can cook!

Okay, I'm all over the place. I will check in again soon!

Planning for a Beautiful Trip

OK, I'm typing one-handed in the dark so please forgive my mistakes. I just had to log on to check in on how I'm doing. We made it safely to Myrtle Beach, despite the tornados that touched down yesterday wreaking serious damage across the region. On the way down, I felt like I was a bit of a tornado myself, wreaking havoc on my recent weight loss success with a torrent of sugary treats. However, the good news is that I achieved my 25 lb goal on target prior to our first vacation with baby Max. The bad news is that I feel like I ate enough on the 10 hour car ride down to gain it all bsck, but I'm sure I didn't and I know I just have to rein it in. I need to make healthy choices and have healthy food around, otherwise, even if I do get a little bit of exercise in, I'm likely to end up looking and feeling really crappy.

So, I needed to come here and confess and regroup. Because I want to enjoy this trip, and I know if I'm in a sugar coma the entire time I won't enjoy it all. Tomorrow, we will get to the grocery store and I will buy lots of yummy fruit and healthy treats.

This place is gorgeous, if you've never been. It's called the Marina Inn at Grande Dunes in Myrtle Beach, SC. We have a beautiful 3-bedroom villa with stunning views of the marina and plenty of room for our entire family. I feel blessed and optimistic about what a great vacation this is going to be. I want to feel healthy and beautiful, despite the fact that I am only one third of the way through my current weight loss journey back to pre-pregnant me.

Last night, as we were settling in, my 8 year old daughter and I were taking a moment to watch the sunset off the rear balcony and I suddenly felt compelled to ask her for some reassurance. I asked her if she still thought I was beautiful even though I have all this weight to lose from having the baby. She said, "Of course. You're really, really pretty." In recounting this to my husband, he seemed surprised to hear that I don't see myself in a positive way right now, that I don't feel beautiful. Apparently, the only person who doesn't see my beauty is me. I know if I treat myself well and speak well about myself, I can join the ranks of those who see me as beautiful. That's the plan, anyway. Thanks for letting me share my thoughts!

I Want My Mojo Back

I had my OB/GYN check up today - all is well. I did, however, make the mistake of telling my doc that I've been having some groin pain and that I overdid it on Tuesday walking too fast. I couldn't help it - the weather was finally warm, I was listening to tunes I hadn't listened to in months, and I was EXERCISING! It felt great! But afterward, I had some bleeding, indicating I had, in fact, overdone it. The doc told me that I was not to walk for exercise again, or do ANYTHING strenuous (including carrying my baby in the carseat) until my 6 week recovery period was completely over. POO.

So, one would think this would incentivize me to tighten my food up even more, wouldn't one? Quite the contrary. I went on a carb frenzy - in fact, since 2 pm, I have had nothing but pretzels, french fries and ice cream. WTF!!? Back in my all or nothing mood - just for tonight, though. I am determined to get on the band wagon and take a healthy approach to this last 2.5 weeks before I can exercise the way I want to. Unfortunately, this also means I won't be able to achieve my goal of walking the 10-Mile Broad Street Run, which has been a tradition of mine for the past five years (to run it, not to walk it).

If you're not a parent yet, let this be a lesson to you - the reason pregnancy lasts nine months and requires you to go through unimaginable changes, like weight gain, acne, heartburn, varicose veins, stretchmarks, swollen feet, etc., etc. is that it's the first in a long, long litany of lessons geared toward one important message - IT IS NO LONGER ABOUT YOU. As a four-time mom, this latest lesson comes as no surprise. So, all I can do is roll with it. I WILL be rocking a bathing suit come August though. Cause this little obstacle ain't nothin but a temporary detour.

Where we at?

Hi there, everybody!

So, I bought the first pair of non-maternity jeans today to see where we are. Drum roll please....

...size 18. And a tight size 18, at that. That means, I have gone up four sizes since my beautiful pre-pregnancy size (shown at right).

I'm not worried. I'm seriously on track with food, logging and eating healthy. I even set goals for each week, getting progressively more intense as I continue to heal post-pregnancy. This week's goal is to keep daily calories below 2500, to walk 3 times and to drink at least 3 liters of water daily. If I achieve these goals, I'm putting $25 in the kitty. By the time we go to the shore in August, I will have $500 saved for some new clothes. Yay!

I feel strong and capable. I know my goals may not seem like a lot to others, but at only 3 weeks postpartum (and nursing, mind you), I am determined to not act like a crazy person trying to lose weight at a ridiculously rapid pace but also to stay on track and disciplined, back in good habits and back to being conscious of how I eat. My theory is that this will keep me consistently moving toward my goal.

Stalling and MIA

Wow - I'm embarrassed it's been a whole week since I last posted. Oh, well, better late than never. So, I was feeling slightly stalled in my motivation and weight loss but am here to get reenergized and recommitted! I know I can get my body back - I've done it three times before! So, I went for an AWESOME walk on Tuesday with the baby, the weather was gorgeous and I was loving listening to workout tunes I hadn't enjoyed in months. As a result, I think I may have walked a little faster (and farther) than I should have. Now I'm out of commission. It hurts even to walk. Boo hoo. I'm seeing my OB on Wednesday, so hopefully I will get reassurance that everything is healing fine. Otherwise, I've been logging my food and trying to keep my menu relatively healthy, though it's technically to early to diet. Lord knows, I have no problems with my milk supply. I'm pumping 6-7 ounces at a time and have a huge store already. That's a first for me (and of course it's happening now, while I'm working at home and barely need it.) Anyway, I have to be honest. I'm trying SO hard to stay patient and remember that it is going to take time for me to get back to my old self again. I've already lost 20 pounds in less than three weeks. I hope to have lost 25 pounds by the time we go to Myrtle Beach in two weeks. Then, we're off again to Martha's Vineyard in June. My goal is to lose an additional 20 pounds before that trip - 6 weeks is not a lot of time to lose that amount, but I will be finally cleared to work out so that should help. Then, if I can lose another 20 before our trip to the shore in August (10 weeks to accomplish that goal), I'll be less than 10 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. Just going to chunk it out like that and focus on one goal at a time. I look forward to sharing the journey with you guys!

Day 2...small victories

So, if I look at the big picture and how much I have to lose, I get discouraged. Instead, I need to focus on the small victories in each day. So today, here's what I did that I consider supportive of achieving my goals:

1. I drank two liters of water, which is great. I think my goal for tomorrow will be to reintroduce the apple cider vinegar drink tomorrow, and see how that goes.
2. I continued to log today, despite going off my food plan (which, to be fair, was only planned in my head).
3. I walked for the first time for exercise - 1.5 miles in 30 minutes.
4. I told on myself - that I've been struggling with negative self talk, behavior I have every intention of changing.

Well, that's today. I've lost 17.5 pounds since I had the baby. That's progress, not too bad for 11 days out! I will keep you guys posted as I continue to make progress!!!

New Beginnings

Well, baby is here!! For those of you who aren't friends with me on Facebook or Twitter, why aren't you? No, seriously, he was born on March 14 at 9:40 am weighing in at 8 lbs, 15 0z., and measuring 21.5 inches long. Big boy! He's an amazing, wonderful little boy - sweet and happy. I can't stop kissing, snuggling and loving on him. Can you blame me?

Things are going fairly well. I've been having some problems breastfeeding - would have thought that wouldn't happen by the 4th kid, but no one prepared me for the nonstop voracity of boys - and for the past few days have been exclusively pumping, which is going well and helping.

I'm also raring to get back in the saddle of getting in shape, hence the newly designed blog and updated goals. I"m determined to look halfway decent when we go to Sea Isle for two weeks in August. I know that's still a ways off, but I'm going to have to work hard to reach my goals so I need to start now. My midwife recommended I wait till next week to work out, so I haven't been exercising at all, but I'm really ready to test the waters. I've been watching closely what I eat and have lost close to 20 pounds already (of course that's what happens after you have a baby, and I'd really hoped it would be closer to 30, but I'll take what I can get.)

Anyhoo, I'm back and ready to recreate myself yet again. And this time, my tubes were tied so I don't have to worry about doing this all over again. It's so hard to come back from pregnnacy, especially for me because I always gain so much dang weight. Anyway, I hope you'll follow me and support me in this journey. I look forward to sharing it with you!!

Week 35...Perspective

So, I guess the theme for this week is perspective. Is the glass half full or half empty? Am I lazy or finally slowing down and resting for the last month of this pregnancy? All I know is I'm finding it harder and harder to find the energy to even get up in the middle of the night the 18 times a night biology forces me to do so, let alone summon the additional energy to don my workout clothes and get a nice workout in before I start my day.

What I do know is that I'm tired, tired, tired. I have been trying to stay positive in these posts, have tried to keep them well-rounded, not just about my fixation on how much weight I've gained or even what pregnancy symptoms I'm currently experiencing. But this week, I just can't help it. It's pretty much all I'm thinking about.

OK - I started writing that last night and first, I have to say I feel MUCH better this morning. How's that for perspective? That being said, I still feel huge. So, I'm gonna lay it down for you guys.

I cannot WAIT to get back in my groove again. For those of you who didn't know me pre-pregnancy, here's a pic. I LOVE being a girl, and love wearing clothes that show my curves. I'm not looking to be perfect or plastic . For now, I'm looking to get back to where I was. Although, if I'm being honest, I do have to admit that I have looked into the cost of liposuction and even have a library of before and after pics and places that can do the surgery.

I'm not even saying that I'm not going to do it. I may very well do it, when the kids are older. I know I'm not trying to have to worry about the recovery associated with liposuction post op with three young children and a newborn. But it is out there as an option in my mind if exercise and diet alone don't do it for me. I am a hardcore exercise fiend. I LOVE running and lifting weights and non-pregnant, I do it 5-6 times a week without complaining. I eat healthy without denying myself occasional treats. But let's face it, after four children and with 40 in my rear view mirror, I might need a little extra help to get back to what I looked like (and didn't appreciate) when I was in my twenties before I had kids.

For now, though, I'll be happy to get back to this. This is a picture of me from last year this time. Boy, what a difference a year makes, huh? Now, PLEASE don't get me wrong. I am SO happy to be having another baby. I'm so thrilled and feel so blessed to be having a healthy boy to add to our family of girls. I almost cannot believe it's happening, and I fully intend to enjoy being a new mother again just as I have enjoyed this pregnancy. I have eaten healthy but enjoyed indulgences. I have worked out, but taken it easy when my body has told me it's time to slow down (like now...I can't even get my butt to the gym anymore). And to be totally honest, this pregnancy has taught me a lot about how to not be in constant diet mode. I think now that there is sometimes as much value in a hot bath as there is for a good workout. It might not burn as many calories, but I believe that I have struggled sometimes with losing the last ten pounds just because of how much I WANTED to do it and how stressed out I was about it. I have learned, during this pregnancy, how to relax without giving up the entire goal.

So, my friends, although this phase of my life - the pregnancy - may be nearing it's close. The story is FAR from over. And I look so forward to sharing the next chapter with you!

Week 33...6 weeks and counting!

So, when D-day comes (and by D-day I mean "delivery day") comes, I fully intend to recreate this site. There's going to be so much to talk about - relaunching my music career, recreating my body post-baby, relaunching myself back into my consulting career. I can hardly wait to get started.

For now, though, i must admit that I'm already at the same amount of weight gained I was at the end of my last pregnancy, which is a bit startling. I'm not giving up the fight, though. I ordered my Bamboo Belly Bandit (hey, I can't knock it till I've tried it, right?) and have selected my jogger travel system. Hell, I even signed up for the 10-mile Broad Street Run on May 1st, not quite 6 weeks after I deliver. Not sure how that's gonna work since the recovery from a c-section is generally 6 weeks, but my midwife is supportive so I'm going for it.

Today was a wonderful day - kids were snowed in and between meetings, we played Just Dance 2 on the Wii, made fairy cookies and hot cocoa, and watched last night's American Idol. They even had reading time and arts and crafts. Something about the snow brings out the good mom in me, I must say. :)

Guess that's all for now. Good night, all!

Happy New Year, at last!!! ...Week 32

Man, I feel like I am finally able to exhale after the holidays. Today is my daughter Amelia's seventh birthday. We started today off with the celebratory donuts that have become a tradition. I didn't realize how much of a tradition until my daughters told me last night that they were VERY excited for the donuts that were coming. I was like, "What donuts?" And they said, "The donuts we get every time it's someone's birthday." Guess it's a tradition now!

Anyhoo, back to the whole Happy New Year thing. Last week, I think I talked about how frustrated I had been with how much illness was ripping through the house. Honestly, I couldn't even come up for air long enough to appreciate the fact that we had made it through the holidays. Yep, I said it. I feel like I hold my breath from October 31 through Jan 1 because of all the temptations to CONSUME - to consume food, to consume alcohol, to consume products in stores. It just feels so great when it's over and it all goes back to normal. I know, I know...some of you out there are saying, maybe you need to get in touch with the spirit of the holidays... And maybe I do, but I'm just being honest here.

So, I managed to make it through with fairly little damage to our finances, or to my whole pregnancy weight gain goal (which is just to keep it to somewhere around my average weight gain from the past three pregnancies), but I couldn't really stop to enjoy it because I was caught in such a whirlwind of everyone getting sick, then better, then sick again. And, in the midst of all that, I had this client who supposedly wanted to renew my contract with them but to do so was involving so much back and forth, so much negotiating, I was barely sleeping from the stress of it all.

Well, that ended yesterday and everyone is healthy and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I have just the amount of work I really want, and clients who really value and appreciate my contributions and even a little time to actually prepare for this new baby who's coming (whether we're ready or not) in less than 8 weeks!!!

So, yes, I'm happy. I'm blissfully happy. Happy, happy, happy. Life is back to normal, and for the record, my normal life is nothing short of extraordinary.

Enjoy your Thursday, everyone!