Halfway there!

Ok, no not really. I'm actually just halfway through my first ten-day purium cleanse. I think I'm far enough along to give you my fair assessment. Or, at least my fair assessment of the first half, anyway.

Day 1: Feeling pretty confident, I have my printout of the instructions for the cleanse, and my flex foods ready to go. I have my lemons ready for juicing to add to my water, and I'm feeling strong and ready. I tried working out and yikes. Could barely walk. I have a long way to go. Is it day 10 yet?

Day 2: Yikes! Already down a couple pounds and feeling pretty amazing. I do get hungry at times, but honestly the flex foods and the protein vitamins really do help. I'm going to get coconut milk to add to my purium shake, which I think is going to be really yummy. Today was a super busy day - we were at the Renaissance Fair most of the day, and the apple I brought really helped me hang in there until we got home. Yay, flex foods.

Day 3: What the hell is happening to my body? Every ache and pain I've ever had is screaming in pain - my Achilles, my right knee, my lower back is spasming...is this what I signed up for? I reached out to my mentor and trainer to see if this was normal. They both said that it was a part of the detox and that I needed to just hang in there.  Today was Sunday, which is also known as Cheat Day in my house. I may have overdone it a bit on the flex foods, but better broccoli and berries than Twizzlers and Toblerone, right?

Day 4: OK, I think I am actually over the detox hump. I'm not as hungry as I was on days 1-3 and the pain is once again only in my Achilles, and it's a much duller pain than it had been. I have energy again! I actually went and worked out at the gym and had a DECENT workout and did the whole thing in its entirety, and I played tennis for 45 minutes later in the morning on top of that!  Yep, I'm definitely over the hump, y'all.

Day 5: And here we are, halfway through. I FINALLY made it through an entire leg workout! Yippee!! Most of the day, I'm not hungry at ALL. But when the hunger hits, look out - it's pretty intense. I'm super confident I'll make it through the whole ten days, though. That's super awesome. Oh, and the fact that I'm down about five pounds doesn't suck either. :)

So, that's it for now! I'll check in again and let you know how I feel at the end!

Day 1 of the Purium Cleanse

The day started off pretty easy. I woke up at 6:30 AM and had my five amino acids, which re basically like vitamins. I have about 15 other vitamins I have to take in the morning so another five wasn’t really a big deal. I skipped having a Flex food because I wasn’t hungry. I rarely am in the morning. I had my Purium shake at around 10:30 and then had more amino acids and my first flex food – a cup of strawberries – at around lunchtime.  This is around when it started getting really difficult.

Mid morning, I tried to go out for a work out. The gym was closed but I pushed forward. I walked up the hill to the track and tried to do my Tony work out. It was so disheartening to feel how difficult it is to work out at this weight. And it doesn’t help that my Achilles heel is still very sore with tendinitis.  Nevertheless, I managed to make it work. I reached out to Tony, who assured me that it will get better. He asked for my patience. What choice do I have? Fast forward to the evening - I had steamed broccoli for dinner after having an apple flex food mid-afternoon. After “dinner“ I have my cherry drink, took my bedtime vitamins and went to bed.

All in all, it was a pretty good day. Nine more to go.

Tomorrow is day 1 of the 10-day Purium cleanse. Ten days. They talked about some cleansRs and Super Lytes, which I do not have. I have the shake, the amino acids and the cherry stuff for nighttime. I’ve started taking a probiotic and progesterone at night, so I’m super sleepy. I’m gonna take it one day at a time.

I’m down three pounds already and only four days in. I had an ambitious goal for the week, and have three pounds to go to hit it. Nothing’s standing in my way this time.

Today is officially day 1. Day 1 of Recreating Liimu 2.0.

I got the results of my blood tests and found out that not only am I anemic and in severe adrenal fatigue, I'm also allergic to gluten, eggs (especially egg whites!), dairy, salmon, almonds, beef, peas...oh, you get the idea. EVERYTHING, basically.

I won't get into all the stuff I ate over Easter weekend. Today came and it was time to get started.

I had to hit the road by 7 am in order to get to San Diego in time for my first meeting and I woke up and hadn't even packed yet.

I ran around like a crazy person trying to get everyone up, trying to get Max bathed (finally), and trying to make sure I had my Purim packed, and protein shakes for the road as well as one for breakfast. (Is wheatgrass gluten free?)

After my first meeting, I had just enough time to stop at Whole Foods for lunch. It was yummy, but barely filled my tummy. 

After lunch, my period came. Yay.

After my last meeting of the day, I went back to the hotel and was so exhausted, but I still got dressed to workout. I took some pictures (Tony asked for before pics) and nearly cried. I cannot believe how huge I am. Ok, fine, it's partially because of my period, but it's mostly because I've got 100 pounds to lose. 

I went down to the hotel gym only to find it full of teen fitness models. Or, that's what it looked like. Yay, joy. I can think of nothing I enjoy more than shlepping my bloated body all over the hotel gym while perfect tens give me the side eye.

I lasted about 12 minutes and then took myself back up to my room (long enough to seriously aggravate my Achilles, I might add).

I put in an order for GrubHub and waited for it to arrive only to find that the guy couldn't get a hold of me (supposedly) so it had to be credited back and I had to wait another hour.

I was so hungry by the time it came, I scarfed it down and followed it up with Sleep chocolates (tiny bit of dairy in those, but I'm calling it a good night).

I did toss the bread that came with my food, so all in all, I slayed.

One day down, 364 to go.

Today is day 7 in Rome, day 5 of my blog. I’m not even posting these things publicly yet, but I already feel things shifting.

I accept myself on a whole new level now. I know I’m in the worst shape I’ve been in, maybe in my entire life, certainly since the last time I lived in LA briefly in the early nineties when I was at least 40-50 pounds overweight, smoked and got high on the regular. I’m actually way healthier than that time in my life, but I’m definitely not in good shape. I’m inflexible (for which yoga would be a great solution), soft (hence, beginning weight training under Tony D’s tutelage), and waaaaay overweight, puffy even. It will be no surprise when Dr. Murphy tells me I have to give up dairy and gluten and probably a whole host of other inflammatory foods. Maybe she’ll even give me some supplements that will help ramp up the process.

This morning, during empty presence, I went deep, even though I only sat in empty presence for half the time. I literally felt like I was accessing a grid where centuries old souls were communing. I heard the same message from a couple months ago – heal yourself, and I will heal her. And I knew, just knew, that everything was happening right on schedule. I also received a message that I should tell my new friend, Manuel, our salesclerk at Louis Vuitton, about our web series. I don’t know why, or if it will make any difference, but I told him all the same.

Manuel and all the other sales clerks went sort of bonkers for Max while we were here. It was sort of funny, except that I’m not really sure how Max felt with all the attention. We had such a lovely time here, and even though Glen and I weren’t able to do all the things we did the last time we were here, I think we are even more connected, both as a couple and as a family, than before we came. 

Amelia vlogged every day. We shopped, we ate, we saw the Trevi Fountain, the Pantheon, the Coloseum, the Imperial Forum, Pompeii, Vesuvius and Naples. It was really an unbelievably memorable trip. 

The food was good, sure. Gelato yeah, yum. Pizza, yup. Bruschetta and pasta and cannoli. It was all good. But I am so focused, so ready, so EAGER to get started with Tony and Nanilea and Dr. Murphy – my dream team – and to see the weight fly off once and for all. I’m ready to enter my 50s stronger, fiercer, more focused and more stunning than I ever have been before. 

I remember in 1990 when I first moved to California after my dad died, I was overweight, run down, exhausted and depleted. I was ready to stop getting high every day, ready to get my life back together. I decided I would start by losing 30 pounds. There was a cute guy at my job who had his eye on me, and I told him that I planned to lose 30 pounds. His response: “You’re stunning now, but if you lose thirty pounds, you’ll be unstoppable.”

Next stop: Unstoppable.

What if I can’t do it? What if I start out all gung ho like I always do, and then I start to make excuses, start to waiver in my commitment?

Here’s the thing about me. When I make a commitment to something or someone, I mean, a REAL commitment, like, “No bullshit, I’m telling you I’m doing this, I’m giving you my word,” I’m pretty fiercely unshakable about it. The question I’m asking is, how do I get myself to make that level of commitment. That on-a-one-to-ten-level-25 type of commitment?

First thing is, I know I need to have daily accountability, including weekly calls, with you guys and with my trainer and team. I need to have a very clear plan of what I’m going to be doing and check in with Tony daily and weekly to let him know that I murdered my goals. Like here’s an example:

Week 1 probably won’t be as insane as far as workouts as they will become, but I’m sure I’ll have weight lifting workouts at least 4-5 times a week, maybe even 6. (He usually gives me a day or two of straight cardio.) Tony also likes me to add an additional 45 minutes of cardio at least 2-3 times a week on top of that. I’ll be playing tennis on Mondays, doing Rise ‘N Rave boxing and SoulCycle for sure, so I should definitely be doing way more cardio than Tony needs me to do, plus I’m going to add my marathon training to my weight training workouts so there will be extra cardio happening all over the place. It’s going to feel so good. I just want to stay strong and injury-free. I’m hopeful the anti-inflammatory diet will help with that, too. Certainly, getting the extra weight off will help!

Food will be anti-inflammatory and low carb. I’ll be eliminating gluten and dairy as soon as I get home, like the next day, and will be going into full on beast mode the Monday after I get back. Starting Friday, the 26^th of April, I’ll be doing a 10-day cleanse which I know Tony is going to LOVE. That cleanse ends on the third day of what I know is going to be an amazing three-day spiritual retreat. I’m going to be locked in and feeling amazing. And hopefully, I’ll be down at least 10 pounds from my post-Italy weight.

Every day, I’ll post here at least once (on days where I may be struggling, probably more often than that) and I’ll let you guys know how my food and workouts are going, and where my head is at. I’ll also be posting on Instagram and occasionally vlogging about my journey on YouTube. This is going to be a total commitment, a total transformation. There is NO way I can do anything but succeed. This is my time and I am all in.

I am so excited. I’m going to be home in two days and I will take starting weight, starting pics and starting measurements the morning after I get back, and then again on Sunday the 21^st, which will be sort of a truncated week 1. (I don’t want to make the same mistake I did in January, where I don’t get a true picture of how much weight I lost from day 1.)

This is going to work. I’m going to be a solid size 14 by the time we go to Ocean City and Martha’s Vineyard in mid-July, a solid size 12 by Halloween and the ½ marathon. I will be running a 12-minute mile and will be READY for it this time. I might not finish in 2.5 hours, but I will definitely be running the entire thing this time. I’m going to give it EVERYTHING I have.  

Sugar. I have to admit I have no business eating the stuff. I’m enjoying it during this trip to Italy, but it’s another major change I intend to make when we get back because it’s addictive and it leads to me sabotaging my efforts. Plus, the crash that follows any time I ingest it just isn’t worth it.

Today, we toured the Coloseum, the Imperial Forum and Palatine Hill. I had to get a cab home because my Achilles was hurting so bad. It’s very different from the last time we were here, when I had energy for days and was strong enough to take any set of stairs, any long walk, any challenge I faced without complaint or injury.

Maybe it’s because I’m older. Fair enough. But I know when I’ve melted off the extra 75 pounds I’m now carrying, I’m going to come back here and skip up the Spanish Steps with joy and without hesitation.

Early night tonight. Games for a bit and then we get to sleep in tomorrow and Sunday. And then Monday, we head home! I have to admit, I’m ready to return. We truly live in my favorite place on Earth.

Today, we all slept until nearly 1 pm so by the time we made it to the bridge that took us over toward the Spanish steps, we were all pretty hungry. The strange thing is that when I looked over the menu, I didn’t want to eat a whole big meal. I ordered a cappuccino and a cannoli and left it at that. We headed over the bridge and it started pouring raining. We started to freak out, but when we realized that the only way we were going to get a taxi was if we paid 3 times the normal going rate, we decided to suck it up and just walk. In the rain.

We had shopping on our agenda, and we managed to get to Chanel, Dolce & Gabbana, Prada and Gucci before the night was over and the stores closed. Last year, when we first got to LA, we went to many of those stores in Beverly Hills and I remember being so sad that I couldn’t comfortably wear or even try on any of the clothes they sold. That hasn’t changed – if anything I’m less likely to find something that fits me now – but I didn’t feel sad about it. I felt confident. I knew what I could buy – a bag, a wallet, even a couple pairs of shoes that I rejected because I didn’t like them rather than because they didn’t fit. Our last time in Italy, I could barely afford our meals out. We certainly couldn’t afford to shop in any of the stores, let alone the designer stores like the ones we visited today. 

Even more than that, today I knew with confidence that one day – one day soon – I would be able to not only afford anything I wanted in those stores, I would also be able to fit anything I wanted. I have my eye on a certain Dolce & Gabbana dress, and this time when I get back to size 10, I’m coming back for it.

I’m a little nervous about starting again when I get back. But mostly, I’m excited. I’m changing my schedule so I have more time at home each month, where I can get to the gym and do my Tony workouts and get my walk/runs in on the beach if I want to. I can do CrossFit and boxing and SoulCycle with my girls.  And I’ll have more people working for me so that my time is freed up to workout like I know I will have to in order to see the changes I want to see. My commitment is about to go up 300%, my commitment to cooking healthy food, being consistent with taking supplements, and working out like it’s my job. I’m going to take measurements and pictures, and I’m going to track my progress in inches, as well as pounds. I’m going to take before photos and then progress pictures on the 1^st and 15^th of every month.

I’m going to post to my Instagram fitness account every day:

Sunday Start – Weekly goals

Monday Motivation – Inspirational quote

Tuesday Tip – Weight loss tip of the week

Wednesday Workout – Workout ideas (playground workout, 40/30/20/10)

Throwback Thursday – Inspirational pic of me from my archives

Foodie Friday – Pick of my favorite meal from the week 

Scale Saturday – Weekly weigh in pic

This is gonna be SO good. This will keep me feeding the tribe and keep me motivated, plus it will be another way for me to chronicle my journey. OK, I’m going to come up with my weekly goals format. More tomorrow!

Ten years ago today, in this very blog, I chronicled my journey to wellness – I went from 196 pounds to 161.5 pounds and from a size 16 to a size 10. At the end of the three month journey, I was running a ten-minute mile, leg pressing 500 pounds, and looked better than I had in years. I recreated myself at the end of 2008 but then proceeded to spend the next 15 months chasing the last ten pounds. I couldn’t even see how beautiful I had become. Couldn’t even stop to smell the roses and appreciate the joy of having achieved such a monumental goal, especially with three young children. Is it any wonder that when I had my son in March of 2011 and gained 75 pounds with that pregnancy, I found it impossible to rediscover my resolve to get in shape with the same fervor? All these years (ten to be exact), I’ve told myself that the reason why is that it shouldn’t have to be that hard, that I don’t want it to feel punitive, that I want my life to be filled with joy, not punishing workouts and deprivation diets.

After re-reading my blog, I had a huge aha moment. If I wanted what I had – the fitness, the strength, the swagger, the sassy confidence of knowing I was giving my all to my health and fitness journey every day of my life… I had to start giving my all to my health and fitness journey every day of my life. And I have NOT been doing that. I’ve been looking for shortcuts, quick fixes, easy answers. The truth is, that journey was HARD and it wasn’t fast. OK, it took me three months to lose the first 20 pounds, but it took me another SIX months to lose the second 15 pounds. And because of my inability to love myself, my inability to appreciate all my hard work and to see all the joy I was finding in being able to RUN HARD, how much I loved to eat healthy, how much I loved to push my body to the limit, I gained 75 pounds with my last pregnancy and am still holding on to every single pound. 

I’ve lost chunks of weight here and there – right after my son was born, I got down to 192 pounds, but I was so hard on myself because I misremembered what the first time was like. And so I gained it all back, plus another 20. Then we moved to Florida and I gained another 20 on top of that. In August of 2016, I followed the Ideal Protein plan to a tee and lost 45 pounds in 4 months. But I didn’t work out at ALL, and when the holidays came I started gaining back the weight and did NOT start exercising again to offset it at all. After our move to California, I gained all that weight back, and then another 10 for good measure. And after the fires in Malibu last November, I gained another 15 on top of that. In case your math isn’t as quick as it was in high school, that means I was topping out at 260 at the beginning of this year. No, that is not a typo. In January of this year, I was nearly 100 pounds above my all time May 2009 low of 161.5 pounds. 

I started trying to do my own version of the Ideal Protein plan I had done in November 2016 back in Florida, but the weight just wasn’t coming off. And I had been advised to start moving, too, which I had not been doing for months, maybe even years. In case you haven’t ever tried running or even walking with a hundred pound weight on your back, let me tell you – it’s HARD. And it often results in my back spasming, my achilles burning and aching, or any other number of debilitating aches and pains. Regardless, I soldiered on. But after the initial loss of about 7 pounds, the weight loss slowed to about ½ pound to a pound a week. It felt like it was going to take FOREVER at that rate. (And even if it wasn’t going to take forever, it would like take close to two years.) Plus, my support team was encouraging me to dig deeper than diets, to get off that roller coaster and figure out what really needed to change once and for all.

I went to see a holistic doctor a few weeks ago and she fairly quickly assessed me as suffering from chronic inflammation due to multiple sensitivities, such as gluten and dairy. (We are still waiting for the official test results to come back, but I think she’s right.) I also realized that the diets that had worked for me the best over the years – Tony D’s Dreambodies workout, Ideal Protein, Paleo, Whole 30 – worked specifically because they excluded any potentially inflammatory foods. Hmm. That was interesting. This is also what led me back to re-reading the Recreating Liimu blog, which is when I had my second epiphany: I actually thrive when I’m kicking my own ass with exercise or getting my ass kicked (or preferably both). Not only did I thrive, but I needed that in order to see the results I wanted.

It's time to call Tony D.

So, that is what had led us here. I’m in Italy now, enjoying 8 days with my children and husband. A very different experience from when we were here in 2010, let me tell you. In 2010, Glen and I walked all day every day, some days for as many as nine hours straight. With the extra weight I’m carrying, I’m lucky if I can eke out 4-5 miles without having to call a cab. I’m loving it, though, because every painful step is a reminder of who I am today and who I can become tomorrow. I’m so far from giving up, it’s almost scary. I am PUMPED to get started, to grab that future self by the hair and YANK her into my present moment. And this time, I fully intend to enjoy every glorious, uncomfortable, amazing, surprising, painful step of the journey. 

It’s time to recreate myself…again. And I’m not playing around this time. I’m not playing at all. I’m recreating. And that’s an entirely different thing.